Linda Underground

Change Negative to Positive

2012-01-23T21:33:00.008-05:00

"If you have a problem with a member of your family who is negative, begin by writing a list of all the things you appreciate about that person. Remember to include gratitude to them for giving you a great desire for positivity in your life; because that is a gift they are giving you. As you focus with all of your strength on appreciation, you will not only reduce your exposure to the negativity, but at the same time you will be attracting positive people into your life.

Get yourself on to the appreciation frequency, and the law of attraction can only surround you with people who are in a positive state." Rhonda Byrne.

This message came in my email at a moment that was most meaningful. I would change "your family" to anyone who is negative. For many, many months I have pondered the questions: How do we love our ememies? How do we deal with those who have created negative things in our lives? How do we deal with negative people?

Now it begins to make sense. There is the will of that one negative person and THEN there is the will of that one universal IAM. Call it the will of God, call it the law of attraction - I believe it is one, mysterious, universal law. Negativity repels. It is that end of the magnet that pushes things - people - away.
So, if we let that negativity become part of our perspective - even in relation to that negative person - we repel even the good. We have come in contact with that negative person because we needed to learn something or something around them was a positive thing for us. We need to learn to see it and recognize it and be thankful for it.
We are not alone. We are not isolated. And neither are they. If we can learn to see and appreciate the positive - even about them - they might too.
I have said often - it is about lifting one another up. Can we lift our enemies too? Yes, we can.
Now I have work to do as I let this settle in my heart and soul.

5000 views

2012-01-15T18:10:00.002-05:00

This blog is nearing 5000 views which makes me introspective. I started the blog in January 2009 as I was setting out on one of many underground excursions. A couple of friends said to write about the experience so I did. Thus, the name Linda Underground. As I watch the blog statistics, just about every week a few people read one of those first posts; "Catching Up", where I describe what it was like working underground in that particular mine.
After that trip, I kept writing. The blog has become an eclectic mix of thoughts that bubble to the surface (from Linda's Underground). The second most viewed post is from December 2010; "Mythomaniacs". I'm not sure where the interest for that one is coming from - near or far - but every week, several people read that one as well.
The one I'm pleased to see continues to have hits is "Make a Difference" from this past October. I'm hoping it inspires all of us to do a little more and be more open to possibilities.
As I consider what I've put out there for the world to see I ask, have I said things that are meaningful? Would I say things differently today? Should I say more or less? Someone is watching. It does matter to me that I make a positive difference in this world.
To those of you who keep reading, thank you. And I thank you to keep me on a positive path.

Love of a Dog

2011-12-26T18:36:00.002-05:00

Two furry friends share these days with me; Marvelous Molly and Timid Tobey. Molly is outgoing with a big heart - a shepherd, lab, rotty mix . Tobey - a sheltie - is so shy that he is frightened of his own shadow. But he sure loves his Miss Molly and he's not shy at all about showing that!

Tobey is afraid of noises. Afraid of lots of commotion. Not too good with changes around him. We got him at about 6 months old and it took a lot of work to get him to trust us. And still, at 2 years old, when he is scared it's hard to comfort and reassure him. He's just scared!

Today, we thought we lost him. A lot was happening in the house and suddenly, he was gone. We searched and called in and around the house - no Tobey. An hour passed. No Tobey. We began to search the neighborhood. We took Molly searching. No one had even seen him. Four of us checked inside the house. No Tobey.

A call to the Oil City Police, a post on Facebook and an amazing chain began. Word of mouth - text messages, people came to join the search. Strangers and friends alike, shared our concern as daylight grew short.

Those who know little timid Tobey knew, if he was out and about, it was not good. When he is afraid, he trusts no one - even those he knows. He could not tell his name nor where he lives. He would simply be afraid and run. As the sun went down, I imagined our little friend afraid and cold somewhere.

Suddenly out of nowhere he appeared. He is safe at home.

The Oil City Police were kindly searching. And many texts and messages poured around the community of our plight. Thank you to all whose prayers surely helped. Love of a dog is widely shared.

Family connections

2011-12-20T22:25:00.002-05:00

Family connections are so very complicated - and yet sometimes so very simple.

Our years together mean more than any words could ever express. The sight of one another is full of context - memories - feelings - times that no language can touch.

It's as though the cells of our bodies speak to one another of things that cannot be understood. I know it most when I see the children of my closest cousin's. These children who grew in my absence. I see their grandmothers and grandfathers that I knew well. Without knowing them, I know them. I know how they will speak. I know how they walk. I know how they see the world because they see it all, they speak, they walk in the footsteps of those who brought them to this place.

Those children in their teens and twenties and thirties... the ones I did not watch grow up - have carried the past generations with them. They don't even seem to know it. I know who will be less tolerant and more prone to righteousness. I know who will be most able to see things that are not so obvious to most. I know who will be most likely to speak for those who seem unable to speak for themselves. It's in their genetic makeup.

Some carried a thread that came from their great grandmother to their grandmother to their mother - and maybe wasn't their mother's strongest trait - but it carried down to them.

I love to see the glow that is most certainly the best of the best of all of them. I wish they could truly understand when I look at them and say "you remind me of...." And when I say such things, how much they are a gift to me.

Music on the Porch

2011-12-16T10:00:00.006-05:00

Maybe inspired by some movie or long ago memory, I dreamed of getting people together to play music on the front porch. So, five or six years ago, my friend Pete and I started playing on my front porch. It was fun. My neighbors sat out on their porches, passers by would stop, and soon another guitar player, Dave, joined us.

Dave moved away, our lives got busy and we didn't find time to do it. I really missed it and sometimes my neighbors comment that they do too.

When Holly bought a house with a front porch twice the size of mine, my first thought was about how many players we could fit on her porch. Last summer the magic happened. Some nights there were so many people, we couldn't all fit on the porch. Everyone was singing or playing one of the funny little instruments we began to collect. Now we have a booklet with all the folk songs, spirituals and a hymn or two we like to sing.

We're an organized jam band.

I don't pretend to have great musical ability. In fact, when I wanted to learn violin in elementary school and took the music test, the music teacher said I had no musical ability. I begged to get into the program. He relented, but the next year I wasn't playing violin (screeched to much) - I played the cello. I joke that they disbanded the orchestra program because I was nearly old enough to join. In seventh grade, I had to find a new instrument. Hooked on strings, I chose the guitar. And now for many years it has been the prop I hold so I can sing.

The front porch dream has grown into a funny, funky little band. Very remarkable people! We get together once or twice a week - share a meal, music and a lot of laughter. The colder days have sent us inside and it seems to have inspired new ways of getting out.
Last Sunday, we raided Sonia and Bill's house which, of course, has a wonderful front porch. It was too cold to sing there, but a great place for photos. We took soups - homemade by Mary Beth. That was our exchange, along with music, for their kindness in giving us a great place for a photo session. Thank you Sonia and Bill!
Last night we played a second time at the Q (Queen City Cafe) in Titusville. We nearly packed the house (maybe two tables more to fill) and had a wonderful Christmas singalong. Happy that our honorary member, Barb Lake, joined us again with guitar, strum stick and dulcimer. And one of her friends played the dulcimer with us on a few tunes. We'll be playing the Q again next month and hope to fill those other two tables!
Tomorrow some of the group will be playing at the Oil City Presbyterian home.
We're doing another house sing at our friend Gail's during the holidays. AND, we are already booked for the Southside Neighborhood Association dinner NEXT November.
It's going to be a fun 2012!!! I'm wondering how many Oil City front porches we might be able to get our picture taken on..... Rock on Oil City, Yarn Bombing, Front Porch Folk photos.....

Things Money can't buy

2011-12-14T17:24:00.005-05:00

Some people get frustrated during the holiday season because our focus seems out of kilter - about what we can buy each other.
I don't mind much. I enjoy times we set aside to do something special for one another. No matter what time of year, I most treasure those things that money just can't buy.
Behind those things are love and kindness and thoughtfulness.
On my wall is a present from my brother - one of his photos - which is a wonderful gift. But he gave me that particular photo because I was with him when he shot it! Priceless!!!
Kind words from a stranger, wisdom from a friend, a girlfriend cooking lesson, a poem just for you.... These are the things to cherish.
It's those moments, those gifts of time and thought that matter. Give me a special book or make me one - what you make me is priceless!
Taking a moment to right my path when you see me falter - that is a gift money cannot buy.
Speak up to defend me when you see me wronged - that is a gift money cannot buy.
Speak kindly of me, speak kindly to me - these are gifts that money cannot buy.
So, if you feel a little weary with Holiday madness, look for those things that money just won't buy. Be that person that gives a kind word to the stranger, wisdom to the friend, a cooking lesson or a poem. If not today - one day - the recipient may realize those are the things to cherish. And to those of who see yourself in this post - yes, I am thinking of you and thankful for you in my life.

Gossip Buster

2011-12-10T10:15:00.002-05:00

We need a snoops.com for real life. If you aren't familiar with it, snoops.com is a website that researches things being said across the internet and determines if they are true, false or a combination.

A community Snoops or gossip buster would be awesome - especially in a small town. It should be a regular column in the newspaper or an on-line community blog. Someone is thought to be spreading a lie, request the community Snoop to investigate. Gossip buster checks it out - really checks it out! And they publicly report results.

It could even generate a little revenue, but really should be a public service. It has to be someone with strong investigative skills and a commitment to exposing lies. Perhaps an off duty police officer or an attorney.

Lies can be damaging. Scammers lie. Usually small towns sort that out in time, but the scammer can fool a lot of people before hand.

What do you think folks? Does Venango County need a Snoops?

You have the Power!

2011-12-04T22:23:00.003-05:00

Lately I am reminded of how important it is to be careful where our thoughts and energies go. If we want good things in our lives, we have to be focused on good. We have to surround ourselves in good and positive thoughts and deeds. We have to surround ourselves with good, positive and thoughtful people.

That is not always easy. It's an inside job. We get our spirit in line with what we truly desire.

The world is not always good and positive. People are not always thoughtful.

There have been years of my life lost to trying to change someone else or waiting for them to change or be changed by force. My thoughts and energies became consumed with them - what I wanted THEM to do. All that happened is, my energy was drained. Nothing good or positive came about. I became unhealthy. I gave them power over me.

I had dozens of reasons that I had to continue that course - had to fight the good fight.

One night I asked for a sign - something definitive. The next day I had a stunning revolution that was the complete opposite of what I had been so certain was MY intended course. It was shocking. And I may have dismissed that sign if I hadn't already been preparing my spirit for good and positive things. The sign was shockingly brutal but very clear as I allowed the reality to set in.

And I will tell you this - If you feel you are a victim - If you feel someone else needs to change or DO something to correct YOUR circumstance - you have it all wrong. You are giving that person power over your life - your spirit - your energy - your thoughts.

Get your own spirit in line. Get your own energy where it needs to be. Stop giving them your thoughts. Stop giving them the power. Stop looking for justification to remain a victim!

Learn your own power. And accept it when it becomes obvious what that power is. It may be completely the opposite of what YOU thought it was. Be ready to see it. Then seize it.

On the other side of it, I am in complete awe. The answer to your problem may be completely opposite of what you think they should be and may even seem a little outside your comfort zone. But so amazingly perfect if you just open your eyes and open your spirit. See. Hear.

Enlightenment

2011-11-20T11:18:00.003-05:00

Salvation is a path, not a one time event. It is a path of enlightenment. It is a transformation of our soul to focus on goodness, truth and beauty. It is not an external happening. The responsibility is ours and it is an on going process.
During the course of our lives we develop corrupt habits following those around us. We learn to blame our situations on others and lack understanding of the connectedness of all things, including how our own actions cause calamity in our lives. Focusing on these negative things around us - allowing negative people in our lives - screws our focus away from goodness, truth and beauty. We attract more of the things we focus on - the things we think about - the things we do - both good and bad.
Salvation is the focus on goodness, truth and beauty. It the practice of goodness, truth and beauty in our lives - A practice of service, honesty and revelation of creation.
Most religions and spiritual practices have these elements as part of their teaching. However, many splinter off into additional conditions of faithfulness. And so we war with one another. We separate each other and fear each other. If only all of humankind would accept this path of salvation - humankind would truly be saved.

Utopia??? Just askin'....

2011-11-18T19:29:00.005-05:00

One of my favorite books is "Herland", a utopian novel written in the early 1900's by Charlotte Perkins. It's a short, fun story that turns some of our common assumptions on their head and offers a glimpse into what true communal living could be.
Two male explorers hear about an isolated land believed to be inhabited only by women. This most amazing tale captivates them and they plan a risky airplane exploration to this place to learn for themselves. They find the land and discover the tales are true. And they become stranded, taken in by these women in a very foreign country.
They learn that 1000 years before, the men of the country had all gone off to war. Some sort of disaster had cut off natural access to their land and the men never returned. Suspend disbelief a moment. Apparently there were no boys left. Quite amusing is how the society thrived, without men, for 1000 years. Procreation???? Well, it happened miraculously. Suddenly one special woman became pregnant - with a girl, of course. And her offspring were able to spontaneously procreate.
Through the eyes of one of the explorers, we learn about their entire society. They carefully groomed the land and planned for future generations. They worked together to solve all sorts of problems and shared many duties. They cared for children in a communal life. The explorer described a utopian society without greed, without need, free of violence and full of great joy.
Of course, the explorers, once they learned the language, shared information about the society from which they came. When the explorers explained Christianity, the women were quite confused. The thing that confused them most was the idea that in several thousand years, nothing had been added to the book of understanding about Christianity. This one important guidebook stood still and could not be added to or revised or better explained. Their book of understanding had been added to, edited and revised continuously throughout the years as they learned better ways. If this was the most important book of their society, how could it be that no more was learned in 2000 years?
Of course, much has been written in many of our religious communities around the world. Teaching in all religions has continued and been revised in many ways. But the questions Herland raised in my mind are: Why don't we have a better understanding of the human condition? Why have we not been able to follow a guidebook that actually works to create a better society?
Just askin'.

Ticket to Heaven

2011-11-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

I ask a lot questions in my head and hesitate to ask them out loud.

Things like - If Jesus died for our sins, then what is our responsibility?

It seems like a rather mixed up thing to me. No matter what you have done in your life, if you "pray that little prayer" letting Jesus take responsibility, you have the ticket to heaven. And once you have prayed that prayer, the ticket holds. It's like a "get out of jail free" or get out of Hell free card. From that point on, claim the "sinner" role and that Jesus saved you and the responsibility is not really yours. It's all the pre-birth condition.

On the other hand, no matter how you live your life or what you believe, if you have not said that little prayer, Hell is it for you. If you take full responsibility for your life and your actions, NO ticket. That thinking says someone like Ghandi is not in heaven. And many like him who served to better the world around them, in the manner Jesus taught, cannot go to heaven if the salvation teachings is correct. But someone doing great harm in the world who, at some time in their life, prayed the right prayer, is going to heaven.

How is that different from our young people thinking they don't have to pay their bills - their parents should? Or I just show up for work and my employer needs to pay me no matter what I actually contribute?

I believe Jesus' life was more about showing us how to live and that was the salvation. This is the salvation of mankind: Heal the sick. Feed the poor. Love one another. Shed your need for material wealth. I believe Jesus was saying "walk like me" - "this is your salvation" - "no other path will work".

As humans, we are always looking for that quick fix - the easy pill - the solution that requires the least effort. Let someone else pay our bill. I really doubt that is a new human condition. My guess is that people have been looking for shortcuts for a very long time. And, I'm sorry, but the whole "salvation" focus feels like a shortcut to me.

I believe "Heaven" is where people treat one another right - a place of pure joy. I need to learn that before I can be in heaven. I have no idea what happens between here and there. No one from heaven has spoken to me to tell me how they got there. And there isn't any documentation I have seen of anyone who was actually in heaven to give a first hand account of how they got there.

I truly believe there is something more - a heaven - but the path to get there must include some sort of accountability - some sort of growth - some sort of careful filtering.

Or maybe if you pray the right prayer, you get into the Heaven training program. Maybe the whole salvation thing is about buying a ticket there. I really don't know.

All I know is that salvation or no salvation, I want to be trying to do the best I can right now. I am much more interested in how Jesus lived and what he taught than any thing else. I'm much more interested in how people like Jesus lived and what they taught. What can we be doing today? What is our responsibility to humankind today? There are no shortcuts here or to get to heaven. Our ticket is learning to live the heavenly way today.

Planting Seeds.

2011-11-06T21:51:00.004-05:00

Seeds can grow. Of course, they don't always grow. And they will sometimes grow in the most unlikely places. If you have spent any time in the woods, you surely have marveled at the tree growing from what appears to be pure rock. But, a thousand seeds bounced off that rock and didn't grow. At the end of that Rock tree's life, what will remain. Most likely nothing.

If we want to really plant seeds that grow, we go to fertile ground not among Rocks.

It's not about one harvest or one tree making it - it's about generations of harvest - generations of seeds growing and re-plenishing. At the end of my season, I want to have hope that the seeds I planted create multiple harvests. I'm looking for fertile ground to plant those seeds.

Throw thousands of seeds in the Rocks - maybe - maybe - one grows. When it is done - it is done. It will have split the very foundation on which it grew. The only thing it has to show for its life is destruction.

Plant those same seeds in fertile ground and hundreds of seeds grow. And those hundred seeds grow a hundred more. That is where my energy is going - I'm seeking fertile ground! It's not about me - it's about how far and how long the seeds continue to grow.

Downsize to upscale

2011-10-29T22:41:00.003-04:00

A young musician friend told me to never leave the audience on a sad song.

My last post may have sounded like a sad song. It was a message and the message is this - if you want good things in your life, shed the bad.

There will never be room for positive things in our lives if we hang on to negative things. Walk to the light! Walk in the light!

Friends tonight were talking about helping people downsize. Interesting that we get to a "certain age" and realize we have filled our lives with clutter. Now I am wondering why we can't figure out earlier and on our own what is clutter and what is not?

In recent years I have been most impressed by people who don't let "clutter" fill their lives. They can focus on what is important and what matters. Over the course of years, they have developed filters. "In with the good and out with the bad." They hurt sometimes. They care deeply. But they have clear visions of what they want their lives to be and what they want for the community around them. They CARE! They carefully filter out those people and things that are non-productive. They don't put energy where it will not grow into something positive.

Downsizing is about scaling up - focusing - seeing what is really important. It's about NOT wasting time and energy.

Danger from no stranger

2011-10-27T17:35:00.005-04:00

It can be terribly embarrassing and personally devastating to realize you have been taken in by a con artist. It happens every day to very smart people and often goes un-reported. If it is reported, law enforcement and the justice system are ill equipped to deal with it in small communities. Especially if it is someone you know who is scamming you - a sociopath who will lie to you and everyone around them to get what they want.

I like people. I trust people and I nearly always root for an underdog. If you are too, then please read on. You could, like me, be an easy target for a con artist. You need to know how to spot a sociopath. I've learned a lot about it in recent years. It's not a pleasant topic and I have followed the ultimate recommendation of what to do - Get as far away as possible from this person!!!! I will say proximity makes you a potential target or useful in gaining access to a new target. A sociopath uses whatever means, whomever possible, to get what they want. Proximity makes you complicit - that simple.

What are the characteristics of the type of sociopath I'm talking about?

1) Aggressive and Antagonistic in dealing with people

2) Manipulative and deceitful - lies about even simple things

3) Never feels guilty about anything

4) When confronted with a lie, creates confusion and distraction

5) Takes from you and gives back little

6) Often appeals to pity, pretending to be the victim

7) Does not take responsibility for harming others - blames everyone and everything else

8) Does not acknowledge others contributions - even taking credit for what others have done

9) Needs to dominate - to WIN

10) Takes advantage of others kindness

The con artist has had no verifiable income for many, many years. For some reason those things they claim to have had as income, don't bring them income now. Peter doesn't know what Paul just did to help to this person. The con artist will use many methods to ensure that Peter and Paul don't talk with each other.

You read all this because you suspect you are being taken. TRUST your instincts. Walk away and don't look back.

Make a Difference!

2011-10-20T18:43:00.005-04:00

Today something reminded me of work I did long, long ago on the other side of PA working with Volunteerism. There, the County Commissioners had a vision to promote volunteerism. Under a Human Services Development grant, they hired me as a consultant to promote volunteer involvement in two counties. Along with some dedicated volunteers, I had the privilege of working with amazing people - paid and unpaid - providing many services in the community. My job was connecting people and telling their stories. How very cool!!!

We became a center for recruiting, training, and advocating for volunteer programs. Well organized, long term volunteer driven programs quickly began helping smaller and newer programs. Our center provided a volunteer bank for one time, unusual or short term needs.

Tonight I am reminded of some of the more touching stories that linger these 25 or so years later. I got a call from a man one day saying he had heard the radio ad calling for volunteers. Would I meet him in the parking lot of my office in 15 minutes? He would be in a red pick up truck. In 15 minutes a pick up truck arrived and I walked up to his door. He said, 'I can pick up and deliver anything you need done, but someone needs to be waiting to load and unload the truck." He opened the door to reveal that he had no legs. He was on disability. But he wanted to serve the community that had served him.

Another day a woman called to say she was house bound but she loved to make personalized cards to send to people. She didn't know how that might help and she might need postage but she would like to do cards for people. I was working with all of the nursing homes in the area and asked if they had people who didn't get visitors or mail. (This might not be possible today but...) I got lists of names of people who started receiving personal greeting cards to brighten their day. And I found donors for postage.

Another day a middle aged women entered my office in tears. She was blindsided by a divorce and had not worked in 25 years. She needed to get back to work but had nothing on her resume. Could I help? She believed she had the skills to be an office manager, but had nothing to show she could. There was a well known and respected organization looking for a part time volunteer office manager. We let them know that she was trying to get experience for her resume and might not be there long term. They understood, loved her service, and within a year she had a full time job as an office manager. When I saw her the second time, she was a new woman.

What I learned in those short years is that volunteerism is as much about serving personal needs for dignity and respect as it is about serving the community. As we ask people to serve, we need to do all we can to serve their needs as well. It's a two way street. When we recognize that and serve that need, everyone gets a chance to make a difference - Those who ask and those who answer the call!

How did they make you feel?

2011-08-29T17:59:00.005-04:00

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Maya Angelou

I read that quote and a thousand words and faces flooded my mind - or perhaps more appropriately a thousand feelings with faces and my subtitles. Who made me feel? Who made me feel worthwhile? Who made me feel useful and motivated to do more? Who gave me hope? Who lifted me to a greater understanding of the world around me?

A teacher shaped who I am more than she could ever know. I've no idea where she is or if she is even still a teacher. And I believe that, at the time she most influenced me, she was in a great state of change in her own life. She was a tough teacher and I felt, she demanded much. I had her for several English courses in high school and I believe she moved on shortly after my graduation.
In high school, I felt like an alien. Now I understand that most high school teens share that sentiment but this one teacher linked me to something that led me to a better understanding of myself. She introduced me to MS Magazine. As I recall, which might not be quite accurate, she laid a copy of the first issue on my desk back in 1973 or 4. In any case, I got my first issue of that magazine, due to her. The feeling I remember from her is that I could be more and could do more than anyone else around me was telling me. And in the classes I took from her, she was demanding more. She knew I could. That feeling of more out there and more within has remained through these many decades. I write today because she opened that door to expression in me.
While I would mark this as my driving force for social activism, my sense of community responsibility is more deeply rooted. My father is a charter member of the Sandycreek Volunteer fire department. We grew up with a fire phone in our house and were all trained on how to answer and respond to an emergency call. My sisters and I were encouraged and supported in fundraising efforts for the Cancer Society, Heart Association and church sponsored efforts to help those in need. It was a great part of our family culture. I am thankful for that and know that it continues to "make me feel" that community is very important. I don't remember what all we said or what all we did but I remember the feeling and carry that today. From those days, I carry a great sense of commitment to community service.
But then - there was a long lull in my community service and activism. I volunteered through my Air Force days where, against advice, I volunteered for everything and loved it. It lasted through my college graduation. It lasted through my first post military job where I become a contracted volunteer advocate. Why did I suddenly then become uninvolved?
Fear. Fear. I became afraid.
I got a job teaching. And the people I was closest to then told me that if I was known for who I really was, I could loose my job. And six years or so later, I went to work for a corporation and many of same people told me that I could not be known for who I was or I would loose my job.
I've tried to explain this fear to friends and it is hard. But I will try to take you to that moment when I decided fear would not drive me.
That shall be part II of this post - How did they make you feel?

Is it the place?

2011-08-26T16:06:00.002-04:00

Have you ever gone back to a place with which you have an emotional attachment? Maybe the house you grew up in, a favorite hang out, your elementary school....
Going back, you realize it doesn't have the same energy it did then. Often the space even feels smaller than you remember. It just isn't the same.
The energy that comes with our memories isn't about the place itself but we associate it that way. Our emotions are about the people who occupied that time and place with us. That energy has changed.
We may be able to make new connections, build new energy and create new memories in that place but we cannot get back what was in those past times.
Sad but true.

Why I sing spirituals

2011-08-10T17:30:00.005-04:00

I love to sing spirituals which might seem a little odd to those who know my religious views well.
I describe myself as spiritual - Unitarian - in that I believe all religions have some things right (and some things wrong.) And when I really start explaining what I believe, some of my closest friends have thought it means I am atheist or agnostic. The depth of it is simple. I don't believe I can prove myself right in my beliefs any more than I believe anyone else can. What's important is to believe in being a better person and treating other's better - study the human condition and be committed to improving it. If your spiritual path takes you there, I applaud.
I've avoided the very Christian churches I was raised in because I have felt for many years that they were all "hell bent" on selecting for themselves who could and could not belong to "God's Kingdom". They have seemed way too confident in their understanding of what God wants.
But I have never stopped singing and loving the spirituals - even favorite hymns. It is part of my history and heritage but there is something more. As a young teen, I recall learning to sing and play the spiritual "All my Trials" - probably the first slavery era spiritual I learned. I connected with both the pain and the hope of that song. It prompted me to learn about the origins of "negro spirituals". I learned about the Underground Railroad at the same time - 1969 - that the civil rights movement was at fever pitch.
The spirituals are filled with meaning. Some were coded messages meant to let other slaves know that an escape was coming. "Freedom Land", one of my favorites, says "I'm on my way to the freedom land.... I asked my brother...I asked my sister... I asked my mother... and then, "If they won't come, I'll go anyway". That is powerful stuff. The singer was calling for all nearby to abandon conventional wisdom and put ALL on a journey to a better place. And the singer was clearly stating that no matter what others decided, they were going. Freedom! The Freedom Land!!!!
I don't know anyone who is not moved by the message of Freedom. It's what I am searching to find. A place in the world to be me and to be free.
And so, I am back to the start of this blog. Is any part of your belief system impinging on another person's FREEDOM? Are you a Pagan afraid of Christians? Are you a Christian afraid of Muslims? Are you an atheist afraid of.... What is wrong with finding common ground? Let's sing! Let's find some songs we can sing together!! Let's find our way to the Freedom Land!!!!

A dose of common sense

2011-06-29T16:56:00.002-04:00

About 5 years ago I was talking with my nephew and said that I could not marry. He was genuinely shocked. He did not realize that laws prohibited same-sex marriage. It made no sense to him. I believe his reaction reflects the predominant view of his generation. They ask the same question he did, "Why? That makes no sense."
As marked by the increasing number of states voting in favor of gay marriage, lawmakers are finally realizing it makes no sense.
New York was interesting in that a Republican dominated legislature voted in favor of marriage equality. They made sense in terms of their principals as they explained why. Supposedly deep rooted conservative Republican values drive toward less government intervention in our lives - less regulation. I also respect their helping religious groups feel less threatened by offering protection from being forced to conduct gay marriages. In reality, that amendment was probably not needed but it helped legislators get beyond the religious issue.
We need to watch. It's no secret that the Republican party has been held in a choke hold by evangelical Christians. They may share fiscal conservatism but the approach on social issues is a bit odd.
Christian conservatives have latched onto Gay rights and Women's rights. Their objective is to eliminate or highly regulate the rights of both gays and women. They want to eliminate abortions but in the process, work to de-fund the best program in the world for eliminating unplanned pregnancies - Planned Parenthood. "Why? That makes no sense."
If it's all about ensuring that Christian values are part of our government, that's not constitutional. And then I would ask why other Christian values are not part of the agenda. What about feeding the hungry? What about healing the sick? Conservative Republicans are working to eliminate funding for widespread programs to serve these needs. Is that a Christian value? I think not.
If, across the board, the conservative position is that the government not intervene in peoples lives, I can respect that position. I may not agree, but it makes sense. But what they do has to be consistent.
I have a very difficult time with the idea of mixing religious values and views with government. Despite how the Tea Party wants to re-write history, that's not how this country was founded nor intended to be. We need a big dose of simple common sense, an awareness of common good, and an ability to walk a mile in someone else's shoes.

Spirituality

2011-06-18T22:04:00.003-04:00

I am a deeply spiritual person. Perhaps an old soul trapped in this new body without the right words to express what I believe.

Truth is all around us. But often we are trapped into some sort of tunnel vision - unable to see - or unwilling to see. We hear but cannot hear. We see but cannot see.

Words - thoughts - prayers - are powerful things. What we speak - what we think - what we dwell upon have great power. And we have been told of such power. "God said, 'Let there be light', and there was light." There is a lesson there that we miss so very often. What we say - what we think - what we dwell upon - has a consequence. IT IS. It becomes.

We do not choose our words carefully. We say things we do not mean. We dwell on things we do not really want to become. Then we wonder why they actually do "become".

They become because we speak them. They become because we think about them. They become because we dwell on them. We underestimate our power to create the world we really want.

We need to speak what we really want. We need to think about what we really want. We need to dwell on what we desire.

This is the power of "God". This is the universal truth. This IS.

the Little Thorny Plant that Became...

2011-06-06T22:02:00.004-04:00

Last Friday, returned to me, was a framed calligraphy of a poem I wrote nearly 25 years ago. It was a gift from a young woman whose name is sadly forgotten but whose story is not.
I was leaving as Director of the Volunteer program under which the Exchange Club Parent/Child Center ran. The Parent/Child Center matched trained volunteers with parents, usually single mothers, who were identified as "at risk" of child abuse or neglect. The volunteers became mentors and advocates, aiding these young parents in working through the system and working their way past the issues causing such risk. It was an amazing program. In the short time I was involved there were great stresses but there were also great joys. This young woman and her mentor were great inspirations. I remember the volunteer's name - Barb Nash. She was a most dedicated volunteer and saw this young woman's potential. She was an advocate, a surrogate mom and a cheerleader.
Each Parent/Child Center volunteer promised two years of service. Barb's parent was less than 20 years old and had 5 children to 5 father's as I recall. At the beginning of the program she had little hope and little vision for the future. With Barb's coaching, the young woman began to see her own potential. When this young woman did this calligraphy for me, she was nearly completing an associates degree at a community college and about to become a Parent/Child Center Volunteer herself.
Barb was this poem's voice - the one who said....

"The Little Thorny Plant That Became - by Linda Henderson

Once there was a little thorny plant that was scorned and mistreated. Nearby plants threw dirt on it, ignored it or said mean things to it. The little thorny plant grew weak and droopy.
One day a kind soul passed by. "Why are you so sad?" The kind voice asked. "I am just a worthless, thorny plant," the little one said. "Pay no attention to me."
"Oh No," the kind voice said, "Inside you hold great beauty."
But the little thorny plant did not believe. So, the kind voice returned each day carrying water, nurturing the soil and speaking softly of the great beauty inside.
After a while the thorny plant began to feel different. It stood stronger and taller. Then one day there was great excitement in the kind voice.
"Look! Look!" the kind voice said and pointed to the little plant's reflection.
The little thorny plant could hardly believe it's eyes. Right up top, a hundred times bigger than any thorn, was a beautiful white rose. A feeling of great peace came over the little plant. Though the thorns were still there, it did not matter. Now the little plant knew, inside all along, was a rose just waiting to bloom."

Looking at the calligraphy, I know the young woman's initials were KEH. Somehow I know in my soul, she is continuing to do good things. I am thankful to look at this poem she made for me!

Building our Community

2011-05-31T18:00:00.000-04:00

Last weekend 6 friends went to the Butler Outdoor Extravaganza and took a class to build sailboats. Hopefully by the end of summer we will have 3 Puddle Duck Racers to sail about. I'm looking forward to more fun work days.
It reminded me of many positive childhood memories. Our extended family was really good at collecting and working on joint projects for one another. I remember aunts, grandma, great aunts and cousins gathering to go berry picking or to northeast cherry picking.
Uncle Bill and Aunt Margie had great gardens and in the spring they took the kids to a farm to shovel up the fertilizer. These were events. Always there was great food involved, laughter and hopefully cranking to make homemade ice cream.
Extended family spent many hours helping Dad put an addition on our house. It was hard work but I remember the shared times. I learned so much from those experiences. In addition to using tools, I learned about working together. There probably were tense moments but I don't remember them. I remember feeling good about helping each other and getting a lot done.
As we were working Saturday and these memories flooded my mind, I thought about our friend Robbie's pear trees last year. She had told us they were so full of pears she didn't know what to do with them and didn't get them harvested. DAG! My mommy and aunts and cousins would have made an event out that. We missed it.
I've been thinking since about home projects that friends have expressed feeling overwhelmed about. Could we make an event out of that? It takes trust and a cooperative spirit. But when people really work together on a thing, the work goes faster and we build something more than the project at hand. We lift each other up and we build a stronger community.
Most of us realize that in relation to building a float for the parade, or volunteering together on a project but we tend to draw a line at helping each other up close and personal. We need to be as close as family to do that. Hopefully more friends can be close as family. Our extended family. I think we could all use a little more of that.

IT just IS

2011-05-24T16:42:00.003-04:00

In an earlier post I talked about visiting a few local churches and how transforming it has been for me - helping me get over fears of religious bigotry. In reaction to many difficult situations, I have to admit to having stereotyped Christian churches and church people. Despite having grown up in a Christian home and pretty much identified as Christian, I grew to dislike the word "christian" and reacted badly to it. I am thankful that friends have taken me to task on that and encouraged me to face this fear - to recognize this stereotype. I have felt welcomed in a Methodist Church, a Catholic Church and most welcomed in a Presbyterian Church.
The experience has provoked some very pointed and deep discussions about Christianity with some of my dear friends. With great love and concern, I have learned that their motivation revolves around wanting me to be with them in the "next life". Knowing that they view this "next life" as eternal, they must like me a lot. Why would you want to spend eternity with someone you don't like?
So, where am I in this journey? First, my assessment of "religion" of any form is that it is merely a philosophy. A philosophy is difficult to prove right or wrong - especially when much of it is based on what will happen after you die. Your guess is as good as mine. It appears to me, most people are trying to hedge their bets. Who is most convincing in assuring a ticket to the best outcome? What I hear is - "just buy the ticket, silly woman."
And then I think, "Silly woman, who has a ticket, really?" What's for sale?
It's all philosophy. By what standard are you going to live your life?
Do you believe there is a devil? Ahhhh, then, "the devil is in the details." If we are caught up in the "details" of everyone believing in the things we believe - it's a devil!
I believe there is a positive force that we can choose or not choose. To me, that positive force is God - however you see her or him or it. That is the source of all life, all death, all power. That IS the GREAT it IS. And perhaps I am even wrong in calling it positive or negative. IT IS. IT is the force - the energy of all things - IT is everywhere and always and ever will be. We can surrender to it or resist it but IT IS and always WILL BE. Our best hope is to understand that power and how to become one with it. I believe that is what Jesus tried to teach us. And I believe we lost much of his message along the way because humans tried to make it something else. IT just IS.

The garden of the Thankful

2011-05-23T22:28:00.003-04:00

Each day stop a moment and count 10 people or things you are thankful to have in your life. If you mostly count material things, try again.

With every passing day I grow more convinced that true joy - joyful people - are most grateful for relationships. They treasure them - nurture them - seek them out - welcome them. Joyful people tend relationships in the same way gardeners tend their gardens. They prune, they fertilize, they water and they weed. And they celebrate every bud, every stage of growth with cultivation as rewarding as the anticipated harvest.

They expect the best but know it doesn't just drop from the sky. Relationships can be tender things. They need care. And the greater the care, the greater the joy.

If you are grateful for things, let them be things that build relationships. Count them and be thankful every day!

Fearless

2011-05-16T19:05:00.004-04:00

If there was one wish I could have granted for myself and the world, I think it might be to be fearless. When I think of fearless, I don't mean rushing out to slay dragons, I mean having no need to slay a dragon because the dragon does not fear me and I do not fear the dragon. Fearless, for me, means peaceful.
I believe it is fear that separates us. It's fear that drives anger and war. It's fear that keeps us from taking risks that could lead to big things. We lock our houses out of fear. We don't help a stranger out of fear. We don't talk to people because we fear.
Fear works well to alienate us from one another.
I've wondered often why bullies become bullies - why some people become mean spirited - why some people grow difficult to work with. I think it's fear. They are driven by fear of something and it is probably deeply rooted in childhood. They shove the fear deep inside and then it comes out in irrational behavior. I imagine them as a child and wonder what trauma's they endured to condition them this way. What a sad thing!
I enjoy working with dogs - especially young rescues. I know that there is a point that they cannot recover from past conditioning - they cannot overcome acting out of fear. By the age of 2, if they act out in some aggressive way or cower when there is no obvious need, it will not get better over time. If I cannot help them get over fears, fear will grow into bad behavior.
People are the same. While they may comprehend that their behavior is not accepted by most, they simply work harder to justify it. They learn to create bigger and bigger stories. They learn how to tap into our emotional triggers. It may be God, or a danger, or painting themselves as victims/martyrs for a cause. They can be very charismatic and very convincing for those who do not see all that they do.
But eventually they fall apart. These are the people who in their 50's and beyond wind up spending countless wasted hours alone or with few around them to hear their stories. Sadly, the few who stay, are victimized in some way. The mean old man beats his live in girlfriend or wife. Fear keeps her there or some odd sense of being able to save him somehow. The old woman gets a few church people to rally to her aid and keep her afloat without one questioning why she does not help herself. And why is she not spending some of those countless hours in front of the TV helping anyone else? They have internalized the many stories she has told of how she has been a victim and they overlook the irrational ways she acts. But for how long? How sad for all!
Well - I can't leave this on a sad and sorry note. What do we do about these difficult people? I say, be kind to them but keep a safe distance. They will bite you. Let them dig into their deep caves and don't go in with them. They will bite you.
Go out into the world and be fearless. Learn which dogs/people are beyond your reach. If they can learn to overcome fear, they will come to you. If not, they are best left in the cave on their own where they feel safe. If you go into the cave, they will deal with you on their terms. That is not a good thing. Stay in the light!

Living Big in Venango County

2011-05-13T18:10:00.005-04:00

I just finished Pam Grout's book "Living Big: Embrace your passion and leap into an extraordinary life."
Pam calls for us all to follow our passions with a focus on making the world a better place for generations to follow and most importantly to do it with kindness and love. In the book she talks about some famous people like Maya Angelou, Martin Luther King and Kenny Loggins but mostly she focuses on people most of us have not heard about. Many are people who faced a crisis and turned that crisis into a passion that filled their lives in a way that has made the world a better place.
By the end of the book I realized I have quite a few friends who are following their passions and living extraordinary lives, full of kindness and love. They are living big.

What are those "living big" qualities? My list may not be clearly identified in Pam Grout's book, but these are what I would list.

1) Passion about a job, a mission, a cause that improves our world - right here - right now.
2) Pursuit of that passion with certainty and consistency
3) A sincere desire to be a better person in the journey
4) Kindness and love at the core
5) Living by high ethical standards
6) Great fun to be around - contagious enthusiasm for life

I could write a dozen stories but this day, I will choose 5 on my "Living Big in Venango County" list and tell you a bit about why I admire them. All selections revolve around my "Living Big" six qualities. I have to tell you, that there are plenty more "Living Big in Venango County" people to write about. Perhaps I'll continue this series but I need to limit myself or I will write for days on end.

Holly Berlin is a most amazing women "Living Big in Venango County". Her community spirit and continued contributions leave me constantly wondering how she does it all. I have not known her long, but we became fast friends as I see each day how she strives to live by the six qualities above. She loves having fun, has a great "out loud" laugh, and enjoys helping to make good things happen in the community. She was the second artist in the Transit Studios while saying she really isn't artistic. Something that anyone who has seen her photos or postcards knows is not true. She mourned going off the Venango Area Chamber Board of Directors after 8 years of service and still remains very active as an Ambassador. She won't miss an Oil City Arts Counsel meeting, has been a Junior Achievement Instructor for years, and recently joined the Oil City Rotary Club. I've heard her say many times, "I just love people". Few people understand the challenges she has faced on her path to "Living Big" and she wouldn't want to highlight those. "Living Big" she would say, is about being positive.

Ron Shoup is an amazing man. Last Monday I had the honor of seeing his shop for the first time. He's known in Venango County as the former Director of the Venango Area Chamber of Commerce, a teacher, a musician, an Arts champion and a luthier. I first met him while he was Chamber Director but was most touched several years ago when he took a moment from coordinating a very busy festival to offer personal words of encouragement. His kindness and love on that day will always stay with me. Monday he was having a look at my guitar and shared some stories. I asked how he became a luthier expecting to hear he had apprenticed with someone. In a way he did. His father bought him his first instrument, a mandolin, which needed much attention. Together, they took apart, reworked it and made it playable. It launched a lifelong passion. A book could be written about the contributions Ron has made but I loved most hearing him talk about mentoring High School students making guitars for their senior projects. I wonder if I could pretend I need to do a senior project.

Susan Williams could be awarded the Venango County energizer bunny award. Her passion is bringing people together for a common good which makes her work at the Venango Area Chamber of Commerce - her passion. I've known her longer than the two above and have never seen her without a smile and positive words to say - even when talking about difficult things. Talking with her about difficult political views or difficult people, her approach is always the same. All we need to do is ask a few more questions, listen a little harder, love a little more and it will be better. Because of Susan, I ask a few more questions, listen a little harder, love a little more and it is better. That's big to me.

Doug Baker is someone I would like to know better. As Mayor of Franklin, he is our city's cheer leader. He is a retired police officer so he has served us long, serving on council and now as Mayor. When I asked what led him to become mayor, he said, "No one else wanted the job." There's probably more to the story but even if that is the short of it, that says something about him too. Each time I've seen him and in watching his facebook posts, he has a new perspective and is looking for ways to promote our pretty city. I believe he is a champion of the common person and is seeking a future that will benefit all in our city. He's "Living big".

Cinnamon Evans is passionate about Venango County CASA - Court Appointed Special Advocates. She may be one to tell you that sometimes a thing claims you and we do not always know that experiences are preparing us for a moment. This program claimed her. She is leading the development of a self governing 501c3 organization which is not a simple task. When someone is "living big", the results of their passion are growth in support of the cause. She coordinates training and supports the efforts of Advocates for children who, through no fault of their own, wind up in the court system. The volunteer's mission is to collect as much information as possible from all sources to help the court determine the best possible outcomes for the child. Cinnamon has inspired over 20 volunteers to serve as advocates and as many to serve as a steering committee to create the new 501c3. It has not been an easy road. She did it because she has the six "Living Big" qualities listed above.

Those are just 5 of the "Living Big in Venango County" people I could write about. There are a lot more. I hope you will think about your "big" people and write a comment. I'm happy to interview anyone and add them. Most of all, I hope we can all be inspired to live a little bit bigger in all we do.

This Mother's Day

2011-05-08T09:00:00.003-04:00

I only knew her less than 8 years. She's been gone nearly 45 and I still grieve.

I imagine sometimes magically stepping back - a time traveler or somehow able to see through a looking glass - and watching her. How I would soak in everything about her - those things that are vague memories - how she walked - how she talked - the sound of her laugh - the kinds of things she found funny.

I've been told that I am much like her. And when I look at this picture, I think it might be true. I've always wanted to be like her and loved that Great Aunt Hazel, in her elder years, thought I was my mummy and called me 'Jeanne'.

I don't remember ever hearing her play the guitar or the bass but I remember that she played the piano. She played the bass in the Cranberry High School Orchestra where she also played basketball - the days of a six woman team. My Aunt Dorothy, her older sister, said she could play any instrument - could do anything she set her mind to - and was smartest in the family. I think Aunt Dorothy idolized her as I still do.

She was a tomboy, I'm told and was a bit of a daredevil. I've tried to look close at her knees in the picture above. I can recall asking her about black spots on one of her knees. Well....she had taken her brothers bike, which she wasn't supposed to do. And she got going too fast down a hill and crashed at the bottom - got cinders in her knee - and was afraid to tell her mother. The cinders healed over in her knee.

Perhaps part of my radical spirit came from her.

I remember her as a strong, quiet, caring woman. We went to the Franklin Library regularly together. I could choose a book from the children's area and she chose books - not just for herself, but to deliver to Grace - an older cousin I remember she often visited who had polio.

She was our Brownie Scout leader, served in the Ladies Auxiliary at the Sandycreek Fire Hall and was active in the Congress Hill Church of God.

Perhaps some of my community spirit came from her.

I had no idea in those days just how ill she was, though I do remember her in the hospital from time to time. Still, I felt her strong and active.

As a child, I simply had no understanding of it. I think that was the way she meant it to be for those around her. She did not see herself as weakened - would not. I remember her coming home from the hospital and in bed once. Dad had taken my brother, little Mikey, and I to the Atlantic station where they gave us really cool new "Super balls". I was so excited to show Mummy and set about bouncing the ball around her in the bedroom. Knowing she should rest, Dad started whisking us out. "No!," she said, "let them stay." And we played around her in the room.

I believe it was not long after that she had a most serious talk with me. We sat alone at the little kitchen table; she in her pink quilted robe. It was probably about this time in 1966. She showed me a picture of a heart and explained what doctors were about to do. Many times I had laid my head on her chest and heard the bumm bump shsssss of her leaking valve. She explained that the doctors were going to fix that. She explained that it was very dangerous. Many years later I learned that, if the Cleveland Clinic had done this surgery, she would have been the first in the world to have an artificial heart valve. But that day never came.

Just weeks later, she collapsed while giving little Mikey a bath. Everett, my Dad's cousin, was there and while he and Dad tried to save her, Mikey and I stood holding hands. He was 4. I was not yet 8. Not long before that night, the preacher had given a sermon about faith and praying in Jesus name. And so, with all the understanding and belief of a 7 year old, I held Mikey's hand and said we had to pray. We were children. The preacher said, if we prayed with the faith of a child and in Jesus name... And so we did.

In the days, months, even years that followed, I refused to believe my mother was gone. Dad tried to help me understand but even seeing her in the casket, I refused to believe it. 45 years later, it is still difficult to accept. And the day I turned 30 - the age she was when she died - I fell to my knees with the impact of how young she was and how little I had accomplished in comparison.

When I have imagined having a day to see her, I've tried to picture what day I might choose if only allowed one. While I miss my mummy, I also remember the many mothers who were there for me - many of them gone as well - both Grandmothers, Aunt Elaine and Aunt Ruth. So, what if it was a day when they were all together?

I see them all in a field, out on Pone Lane, picking berries together, kids in tow. The women in my extended family were close as girlfriends. They were strong, creative, hard working women. They loved, they laughed and they supported each other. I would want to see them all together and watch them all. If I could, I would stop and talk with them. Would I marvel at their youth or at their wisdom as I watch?

At 50 something, I still see my mother at 30 as being wiser. In the last picture I have of her there is a far away look in her eyes. Was she seeing something more that night in April 1966? Did she know more than I can know now? I like to believe that some day, some how, I will know.

What has carried me to this day is that I had many mothers. There was the first who gave me life and those formulative years of values. But, I had a large extended family. Both Grandmothers were there for me. Aunt Elaine, Aunt Ruth, Aunt Margie, Aunt Flocie, Great Aunt Dorothy, Great Aunt Hazel, Aunt Dorothy.... And I had a step-mother who did the best she could in a deep shadow.

For far too many years I felt sorry for the loss. This mother's day, I am thankful for what I have had.

I am my mother's daughter. Those early formulative years had a significant impact on me. I have hung onto the best of what I remember of my mother and desire to have those same qualities. I see none of her failings – certainly she had some – but they are not mine to own. How lucky I am to remember a perfect mother!

I have had many mothers. These were women who loved and honored my mother and thus cared for me. I probably had more puberty talks than most girls because they were each afraid none would tell me. How lucky I am to have had such strong, caring women that mothered me!

Happy Mothers day with all my heart to each and every one!

Where were you that day?

2011-05-02T22:20:00.005-04:00

Millions of us are remembering where we were that day - 911 - how we heard the news - what we felt in those dreadful hours and days that followed.
Like millions of others, I was at work and got a call. Then another in our department got a call and another. As the company videographer, soon I was asked if there was still a cable TV connection in the auditorium and could I get it up and running. Just a few of us gathered to try to understand why a plane had crashed into one of the twin towers and were stunned to watch a second plane hit the other - live - right before our eyes. Within minutes the auditorium was packed. And the tragedy continued to unfold.
I live only a few blocks from work and decided to walk home at noon. It was a perfectly beautiful fall day - now cloaked in an ominous silence. Across the river there was no traffic on Route 322 - NONE. There was no sound of traffic on nearby streets. There were no dogs barking. There were no people anywhere. Silence! Until I neared my home. Then I began to hear the sound of the television broadcast from my neighbor's house. She was hard of hearing - had her windows open - and the broadcast was blaring.
We all grieved for the senseless killing. We all feared for the evil that may be yet to come. It changed our world into one of greater suspicion. Our nation was unified in a need for justice. We went to war.
Yesterday the man responsible for the 911 attacks was killed - 10 years later. Thousands of men and women lost their lives in this struggle. He created fear that has cost the world great freedom of movement. He was an evil man.
I cannot celebrate the killing of this man though I have shared the need for justice to be served. I do not wish to see the blood filled room in which he died. I do not share the need to decide who was right or wrong or should take credit. I grieve.
I grieve that these are the conditions of our world. I grieve that a religious cause created such a man and his followers. I fear that other religious people could create similar men and similar followers. I grieve that in the face of evil, any of us can be driven to want blood. I grieve that evil can inspire any of us to celebrate the spilling of blood.
I long for peace. I long for the safe return of all our troops who bravely serve believing they are preserving our freedom. I long for freedom in the world that can only come from peace. "When will we ever learn."

Focus Shift

2011-05-01T10:03:00.004-04:00

In film and video I love to see shots that shift focus. These are shots where something is in sharp focus with surroundings out of focus, then, without moving the camera, the focus shifts to something else in the picture.

It's fun to do when the conditions are right. It requires setting the camera up with a narrow depth of field, planning the shift, then perfectly shifting the focus from one object to the other so the focus lands just right at the end of the shot. It takes practice.

All the same things are in the picture but our attention is moved - shifted - from one thing to another.

Oftentimes in life our depth of field is very narrow - especially when dealing with a crisis or a perceived crisis. We focus sharply on the problems but everything else is far out of focus. We see one tree in the vast forest around us. We see this day and cannot imagine different days in the future.

Some people live their lives in that narrow depth of field only acting on those things in sharp focus in that moment. There is no tomorrow with consequences from today. There is only a focus on "me" and all else, everyone else, is out of focus. The focus never changes.

Most of us feel uncomfortable in that kind of depth. When we become sharply focused on crisis or pity me or "me, me, me" it isn't a happy place. And when we see it in others, they are not happy people. It's an energy drain, not only for them, but also for those nearby.

So, how does a focus shift happen? It takes practice and effort. First, we have to realize that there are a lot of things in the picture that we're not seeing clearly. That's been a real struggle for me sometimes. It's something I have to keep practicing but here is what I have learned. Immerse yourself in positive thoughts. The only way to change what is around you, is to change how you are thinking. Shift focus.

That is really challenging when faced with a large crisis. At times, I've felt frozen - stuck in quicksand. I was so focused on the problem, I couldn't see an answer and my energy was drained to a point, I could hardly act on potential solutions. Focus shift.

I started waking up every morning and going to sleep every night recounting what is in my life that I am thankful about. I began reading positive things like "Live Now: Touch Today!" by Tambra Warner Sabatini. I began to connect more with positive people and carefully distance negative people.

I'm not advocating ignoring problems. But what I have found is that shifting focus to the positive, gives me energy to solve problems. And as the days pass, the problems are fewer and less dramatic. Everyday I suddenly have a flash - it's almost a surprise - 'I'm happy,' I think to myself. And I smile at myself - Why is that a surprise? Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

Create Joy

2011-04-29T22:38:00.000-04:00

I looked around a room of 20 women this morning - all gathered early for a Royal Wedding party - and realized how important it is to create simple joy. We wore hats for our own "royal" picture. Hats have become a humorous symbol of several groups of women I know recently. And perhaps the hats symbolize a simple embracing of fun and the creation of joy - a lifting of spirits for no other reason than to lift spirits.

A group of American women gathered in the wee hours of the morning to watch a Royal Wedding. To me, these were no ordinary women and it wasn't about watching a royal wedding. It's was about a reason to get together for a created special purpose. One with no agenda at all except getting together to comment on hats, the young couple, the pomp and have some coffee and crumpets.

I'm part of a facebook group of women who have been doing these kinds of events for over a year now. No one is in charge. Anyone who wants posts an event and whomever can come will come. Sometimes it's coffee in the morning. Sometimes it's an outing. Sometimes it's a birthday celebration. Sometimes a movie night. Always it is a creation of joy. We are building strong bonds as we get to know each other - with no agenda except to create and share joy.

I am learning from these strong women that joy is mine. But it is sweetest when it is shared with as many as possible. I am also learning that no one can steal our joy without our consent. So, don't consent!

If you are reading this and thinking 'it all sounds like a lot of silliness to me', you are right. And that is what makes it so wonderful. It's art. It's playtime. It's getting together for no other purpose than the fun of it.

Why is play time so important for children? Because they learn how to get along with others. From what I've been seeing in the news, on the internet, and on TV, I think we adults need to find a way to get along with others. Play time might just do it.

Over the past year it sure has helped me to see the human side of people I may never have gotten to know otherwise. If you would have asked me a few years ago if I would see myself getting up in the wee hours of the morning to watch a royal wedding with a group of women - some I barely know - I'd have laughed and said 'think not'.

I did. I loved it. I wore a hat. I've smiled all day about it. Simple joy.

Thank you Sonja - our special royal mayor.

Humor and Creativity

2011-04-26T21:05:00.000-04:00

I am so thankful to be surrounded by people who have a great sense of humor and are full of creativity. If you don't have someone near you every day who makes you laugh - change that. If nothing else, become the one who makes yourself laugh. It is the healthiest thing we can do for one another.
It's not laughter at the expense of anyone else. That is not healthy. It's laughter about life. Finding humor in situations. Teasing each other into seeing our funnier selves. Seeking opportunity to create funny occasions out of any possible event. I so admire that in people and can quickly jump on board.
Laughter creates an energy of its own. It's renewing and refreshing. It's positive. It's uplifting and it's unselfish. Simple pleasure.
Work can be a stressful environment. I work with great guys who will find a way to make me laugh no matter what. How good is that!
I have great friends who love to laugh and they easily find humor around us. All of these people have one thing in common - they give to life. They believe life is a creation and they believe they can create something bigger than themselves. That bigger thing may be as simple as a better day for the person beside them but to me that is VERY big.
If every one of us could do just that - make a better day for the person beside us - how good could that be! It's happening beside me. Make it happen beside you!

Lifestyle

2011-04-18T20:26:00.000-04:00

Last weekend I was honored to have been invited to provide diversity training for Venango County CASA volunteers. CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocates. This is no light hearted volunteer commitment. These volunteers will serve as advocates for children, victims of abuse and neglect, who wind up in the court system. They will train to become the eyes and ears of the court with a goal of finding the best, most stable outcome for these children.
I admire their dedication. These new volunteers and others I have met are seasoned community servants.
It was an interesting morning. I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did.
When I talk about diversity with a group like this, I recall communication theorists. Last Saturday, we focused on Milton Rokeach and his Belief - Disbelief system from the Nature and Meaning of Dogmatism. It's an easy to understand explanation of our development of values, attitudes and beliefs. It's easy to relate to situations such as the ones these volunteers will experience. It's easy to relate to our own changing attitudes and beliefs and why some may be more difficult to change than others.
We shared stories of our own experiences with intolerance - even within our own families. I talked about my own fears and attitudes that have been hard to overcome. I am most humored these days about the deepening relationships I've discovered with "the girlfriends". I shared that, until recently, I did not believe I could have strong and open relationships with straight women. (Sisters being perhaps an exception.) But I have gotten to know this wonderful group of several dozen women with whom I spend as much time as possible. We are very diverse and have differing views on the world but, I said, I feel totally accepted. And, I noted that one of these women was sitting beside me.
And then, my test as a diversity trainer happened. One woman said, "They accept you but not necessarily accept your lifestyle." I know this woman had no idea that "lifestyle" is a hot button word and raised the hair on the back of my neck. I froze a second. Then looked to my right to see my friend shaking her head no. I said, 'No, they totally accept me.' I can't tell you what was said after that. My mind stuck on 'lifestyle' and we soon took a break.
During the break, I struggled with the best way to address the 'lifestyle' issue. I went back to Rokeach. I asked the group to make a list of those things they value - particularly things that they act upon - things like volunteerism, time with family, etc. And I said, I would do the same.
As we shared them, of course, we discovered that my values and theirs crossed. I pointed out that the things we value and act upon reflect our lifestyle. The only difference was whom we choose to love. We value those relationships the same.
I hope I handled it well. I know this woman meant no harm. She recalled a term she had been told over and over again. It has led her to believe that Gay and Lesbian people have a different "lifestyle" than hers. I hope she now begins to see it is not so. Hmmmmm. Where on Rokeach's system does this belief fall? Probably somewhere around the Authority level. Hopefully, it begins to float out into the Inconsequential level. In any case, I'm very glad she was there. I believe she is going to be a good volunteer.

Transformation

2011-04-12T10:46:00.000-04:00

I just read about the transformation of Louis J. Marinelli. http://louisjmarinelli.com/politics/i-now-support-full-marriage-equality.

There are many layers to this story that stand out for me. First, LGBT people and allies kept showing up and kept talking. They were successful in presenting themselves in a way that reached Louis. It took time. I'm sure some contact with the LGBT community was quite confrontational but enough was patient and specifically addressed his position in a way that helped him see that his position was NOT one of compassion or reason.
We are not going to change hearts and minds overnight. But we need to keep patiently talking and showing up. I believe respectfully showing up, patiently questioning and carefully speaking truth will make a difference. It takes time. It's not easy.
Hearts and minds are changing dramatically - seemingly overnight - EVEN in Venango County.
The LGBT community is no longer silent and invisible. Openly gay people are serving in leadership roles all around the community - at the hospital, the university, on boards and in elected political positions. It seemingly happened overnight - right here in Venango County.
Why? Anger, division and lack of compassion get very old after a while. It drives people away. Venango County churches have seen the results in dwindling numbers. It doesn't lift anyone's spirits to be stepping on others.
My friends have recently encouraged me to visit churches with them. THIS was a tall request. I know about the petitions that circulated the Venango County church community that directly attacked me and my friends. One of my friends was forced out of the clergy because she openly declared her love for another woman. I have not felt safe or comfortable in a church for decades.
With great resistance, I have gone. Three churches now - I'm beginning to calm down a bit. There's no doubt that 90% of the church community knows who I am so if they accept or reject me, it is about who they think I am. Most don't really know me, of course. They just know what they have been told.
I am experiencing my own personal transformation. I'll likely have a lot more to say about this excursion into the Venango County church community. I'm told we will be visiting many churches and as this is evolving, I am enjoying the experience more.
Having been far from the traditional church for decades, my spiritual and religious beliefs are VERY far from traditional. However, I have often missed the feeling of a church family. I also love discussing philosophy and hearing messages that make me think about the human condition. Going with friends that I love and trust, who also love to discuss afterwards, is turning into a real joy.
So, how were these church visits? I will say overwhelmingly positive. Now that I am embracing the experience, I need to think about what my criteria are for finding a spiritual home base. And maybe it would be valuable for me to write about the experience. There must be others like me in Venango County desiring a spiritual home. If things are going to change, we need to be there. And I am beginning to believe, there are more welcoming churches here and churches in transition toward becoming more welcoming. If you agree - Say Amen!

It Gets Better

2011-04-01T17:25:00.000-04:00

Previously I posted about producing an "It Gets Better" video for Venango County. Since then a number of people have agreed to be interviewed. And last Saturday, I met Cale who responded to my post. He is a Venango County native now attending Slippery Rock University; my alma mater.
He's a very thoughtful, bright young man and his interview reflects it. I so appreciate his reaching out and taking time to talk. It reminded me of how important it is to hear one another's stories.
One of his comments has resonated this week. It was about how important straight allies are and how often they will quietly say they are with us, then follow with a comment that they know many are not. Polls across the country - and I wager Cale's and my own experience - are telling us otherwise. Many are allies. Many believe in varying degrees of equality and many are actually beginning to feel safe to say so.
Just 5 or 6 years ago, I did not know what Cale knows now. He is experiencing acceptance as an openly gay man. He's in a fraternity and can take a boyfriend to events. He has simply opened up and stood tall. I admire him so and am excited to know about his experience.
Finding his way - getting comfortable with himself - came after he left Venango County.
That also resonates with me. Part of that is simply growing up. But part of that is finding safe spaces that are not readily available in Venango County. He noted PFLAG as the first place he found safe space. We have no PFLAG here. And not long ago, I had a friend seek my help in finding a support group for a friend of his struggling with coming out. I could only refer him to PFLAG elsewhere.
So what about Venango County now? Are there allies? Emphatically, I can say YES. I am surrounded by them. Wonderful friends who have let me know that they accept me for who I am - for my heart - for my talents - for my ethics - and value whom I choose to love. I hope some of them will offer words of encouragement for Venango County LGBT people who may not have learned that they are out there and do believe we are equally able - equally qualified to have all rights in our community.
We just need to talk. We need to build trust. We need to work side by side. We need to build understanding. Cale and my allies remind me that it is here. Silence is being broken in Venango County. Breaking the silence is breaking misunderstandings. We have work to do together. It is Better - It Gets Better the more we work together. Tell your story. Be part of a positive change.

Why is Art Important?

2011-03-06T00:01:00.000-05:00

Last night the Graffiti Art Gallery in Oil City held an artist reception for the current show listed below.

REFLECTIONS
(Photographs of Nature and Architecture)
by
MARK PANZA
Sufana Chowdhury
Eleanor ter Horst & the
National Transit Studio Artists
MARCH 1-APRIL 8, FRIDAYS AND SATURDAYS 11 - 7

If you missed the reception, don't miss the show! We are so fortunate to have a growing arts movement in our region! It's not only breathing new life into our economy, but more importantly opening hearts and minds to new possibilities.
Art - no matter if it is music, performing art, photography, painting, installations... - can provide a glimpse of someone elses vision of the world. It can open our minds to see our own world in a broader context. It can inspire us to express ourselves in new and interesting ways.
Learning to appreciate a wide variety of expressions helps us to learn to communicate better, to seek broader solutions, to think "outside the box." I believe art appreciation and encouraging artistic expression is the most important investment we can make to lead to a better community.
Why? Because it leads to invention. One must imagine something is possible before that possibility will ever be pursued.
Why? Because it forces us to see. We have to acknowledge that a problem exists before we can be motivated to solve it.
Why? Because we often overlook beauty and sometimes need to have someone put a spotlight on it to remind us that it is all around us.
Why? Because if we are to understand one another, we need first to learn that our point of view is not the only point of view.
Art can be shocking. It can be enlightening. It can be comforting. We need it all. We need to encourage expression. Encourage communication. Encourage understanding. If we can learn to do that in ways that may take us out of our comfort zone, in positive appreciation of varied perspective, we build better community.
I applaud the efforts of the Art Revitalization Movement in Oil City! And I am excited about the positive impact Art is having on the region at large.

Middle Ground

2011-03-03T19:52:00.000-05:00

I am a great believer in middle ground. We each come from differing experiences and perspectives and more often than not, if we dig deep, opposing positions do really have some common goals. But all parties need to be interested in finding that middle ground!
So often we stand by in situations, not wanting to "get in the middle". We don't just look at who we believe is right or wrong but look at the outcome. Who is going to win? Let's make sure we are aligned with the "winning" side. Corruption reigns because of this attitude. Bullies win because no one wants to stand against them.
We moan. We groan. We talk among ourselves about how terrible the corrupt one is and all that they have done. But --- middle ground. "Do you stand a chance?", standing against them, ask the bystanders. If uncertain, the middle grounder will stay on middle ground waiting for the dust to settle.
On real issues, on those issues of corruption and criminal behavior, there is no middle ground! Standing in the middle when you are certain of corruption and criminal behavior is exactly the same as watching someone being beaten on the street and doing nothing. It is not middle ground. It is community negligence! Who is the next victim?
Are you standing on "middle ground" as a friend or neighbor is taken by a known con artist? Are you standing for anything at all?
Middle ground is the place we seek when all parties are truly seeking solutions and better community. Middle ground is not a place to hide from taking a stand toward solutions and better community.

"It Get's Better"

2011-02-26T19:04:00.000-05:00

A Nationwide movement is taking hold and telling LGBT youth that life get's better. The focus is LGBT youth, but the message is a universal call for suicide prevention! In moments of darkness, don't give up - reach out - believe that holding on will result in a better day.
I recently visited relatives in Florida and heard an unexpected story. A cousin, Michael, whom I did not know, died last year. His dad and step mom shared his story with me and I felt they were searching for understanding. Michael was gay and believed they did not accept him. His death was a slow suicide. "He never gave us a chance", they said.
I am certain many of the friends and family's of gay youth who have chosen to end their lives face similar pain. What could they have done?
In my own experience as a lesbian, I now know I often did not give friends and family a chance. I believed I was not accepted and could not be accepted so I did not let them know how painful their words and actions were. I climbed into a dark hole. I was lucky because friends and family reached in and found me where I was. They loved me. And while they may have had a difficult time understanding LGBT issues, they opened their hearts and minds in a way that let me know they valued me!
It Gets Better is an important campaign to do that. No matter if you are gay or straight, you know dark times. What makes the difference in those dark times, is the love and support of family and friends - even if they do not completely understand the issues. It's about saying "You have value" and "I believe in you" and "it will get better".
I am joining the "It Get's Better" campaign. In the coming months, I am collecting video from anyone who wishes to give a message to LGBT youth or anyone who needs to believe beyond darkness. I am looking for positive people willing to give a positive message. Please contact me if you are willing to participate. Visit www.itgetsbetter.org to see videos and understand the background behind this project.
I'm here to tell you - It get's Better! Even in Venango County - Out in the Silence.

A Friend In Deed!

2011-01-25T22:12:00.000-05:00

My Molly is a special friend! I've had a few with the same smarts and heart. But I must say, Molly tops the list.
It's often opportunity that shows great character and great heart. In her quiet way, she has found them. She just does what she does.
Last night she woke Holly at 2am to let her know pipes had sprung a leak and she needed to get up. She was persistent and would not listen when told to lay down - which normally she would obediently do. Our Mutt paw girl, said "NO, get up."
I cannot explain what sets one dog apart from another - why some seem to understand when something is amiss and others don't. There are thinking dogs. I've known a few. Molly is definately a thinking dog.
Her awareness is beyond broken pipes. Last spring a friend brought a little dog to me that he said needed a home. Little Sheltie, Tobey - 6 months old - was terribly afraid of everything and everyone. The instant he met Molly, he loved her. Everyone who knew Tobey was amazed. Molly is twice his size but treats him with such loving care. Tobey follows and watches everything she does. Slowly, he is learning from her that the world is not so terribly scary.
I wish Molly could tell us her story. The part I don't know. I think it contributes to why she is so special. She had to overcome some things. I believe she knows and remembers that.
The anniversary of our meeting is February 18 - 5 years ago. I had just lost a dog, Shadow (the mirror image of Molly). My other dog, Scooter, was failing. The vet said he was just aging and his days were numbered. I felt certain that it was grief. So, I began searching the Humane Society pages for a possible friend. My own grief over loosing Shadow left me wondering if I wanted to try another but Scooter....
The Venango County website featured a 9 month old, sheppard/lab mix they called "Shimmer" - not because of her beautiful coat but because of her "shimmering" personality.
So, on a snowy Saturday, I called to ask if I could bring Scooter to meet Shimmer. They seemed to hit it off and I brought Shimmer home. Soon I had my sister, Laurie, on the phone and we began testing names. When I said "Molly", my mutt pawed girl perked her ears. We had Molly.
I was off work the next week with our new friend. Scooter perked up and was quickly back to his old self. Molly was a perfect angel. She was house broken. She knew basic commands. I knew someone had really loved this girl and was totally amazed with the perfect fit.
I went back to work. WEEEELLLLLL, the next 6 months or so - Molly became the menace. She destroyed things. She ran away from home at every opportunity. She was not a happy camper. Worst - she suddenly showed a fear of children. It was pet therapy time!
It took a village to turn Molly around. The trainer told me Molly needed a crate. I had never used a crate and was reluctant. But one day she destroyed Laurie's Victoria Secret purchase and I had orders not to return home without a crate!!! As we were setting the crate up, Molly climbed into it. She needed a safe place.
The trainer said she believed Molly was running away because she was looking for someone like her previous owner - probably a man. I thought that odd, until I was walking Molly and we were in a parking lot where there was an 18 Wheeler parked. She ran right up to it and wanted to get in. I believe she was a truck driver's dog.
My nephews Dave and Ben spent time with her. Then Dave moved in with me. Molly stopped running away.
The neighbor children started spending time with her, bringing her treats and she became less fearful of children.
Molly and I attended agility training together and built a stronger bond.
I don't know what happened to her in those nine months before she met me. I believe whoever had her, loved her very much. I wonder if it was a trucker passing through who never meant to loose her and that she loved very much and never meant to loose. In any case, it took her some time to overcome whatever it was. I'm just thankful that she found a connection with me. And I am thankful for those who help me bring this girl around. Now Miss Molly Mutt Paws is passing it on.
She is a friend in Deed!

Collaboration

2011-01-16T20:50:00.000-05:00

The best thing in the world is to find like minded spirits to collaborate with; work, volunteer, or social. You know it's right when everyone involved is lifted up. The power of two... The power of more pulling in the same direction. Energy grows and some brand new energy evolves that none would have ever discovered on their own.
At work it's great to be surrounded by people whom you feel are more talented but act like you are the more talented one. In Volunteering we seek those opportunities that are leading us all in a shared direction of better community. Socially, we want to be surrounded by people who just make us feel happy and worthwhile.
As I think about the collaborations developing in my life today, I am feeling so blessed to have found all those listed above. I'm saddened as I think about the bad collaborations. The individuals I think of drain the life out of others. In bad collaborations, one party is drained - financially, emotionally, socially - and there really is no lift. One plus One should actually equal more than two. In a good collaboration, it does. In a bad collaboration, one is trying to lift the other toward equaling two. But what actually happens is that the one trying to fill the void becomes less than they would be if they were acting alone. One plus one equals less than one. Very bad. One is a vampire - taking life and energy away.
As I write this I see someone I once considered a friend. I watch as she is drained - financially, emotionally and socially. I have been there - collaborating with one who drains the life out of you.
We make choices. Choose carefully those around you. Be a lifter. Realize that those who are not, will likely never be, no matter how much you invest in them.
I am so happy to have learned that my the dearest of my collaborators today! 2011 is going to be a VERY good year.

Mythomaniacs

2010-12-27T10:07:00.000-05:00

"Some myths describe some actual historical event, but have been embellished and refashioned by various story tellers over time so that it is impossible to tell what really happened." Encyclopedia Mythica.
A mythomaniac is someone who embellishes and refashions actual events consistently about most every aspect of their life, even seemingly trivial events. There's a level of emotional charge that becomes easy to spot as the embellishing and refashioning happens. It's as if the mythomaniac has learned that making the statements bolder with great enthusiasm ensures that the listener will believe it without checking the facts.
The mythomaniac will exaggerate his or her education, accomplishments, skills, value of possessions, community contributions and relationships. They are huge when they need to be huge. They are small when they need to be small. Those who have known the mythomaniac over time, know it's important to use caution in buying into any story the person tells. If the mythomaniac is aware of that, it doesn't always show. But they will try to isolate anyone who may expose myths. And they will be very nasty in creating myths in attempt to ensure that isolation takes hold.
Decent and polite people have a difficult time dealing with a mythomaniac. It's hard to believe someone would create total fictions and when there are seeds of truth within, it's not easy to sort out. It takes energy. It wastes energy. So, the mythomaniac goes on without confrontation.
Synonyms for mythomaniac would be con artist, pathological liar.
Do you have a mythomaniac in your life? I hope not because I know how difficult they can be to deal with. But know this - they cannot keep track of all the myths they tell. Time exposes them.

Do Tell

2010-12-22T15:01:00.000-05:00

Today, the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy for the military was repealed. We will no longer require that people who want to serve need to lie.
I lied. I am an Air Force Veteran and lied so I could serve. And when my Top Secret security clearance was awarded, my superior asked how I felt about homosexuals in the military having a top secret security clearance. I answered, "There are not supposed to be homosexuals in the military." He expressed concern that if there was, and if they had a clearance, they could be blackmailed.
Today, the threat of blackmail was removed.
I served honorably and was never the focus of a blackmail situation. It would have been devastating to me if my service was cut short. I would have chosen to protect my country first. The Air Force changed my life. It gave me discipline and courage. It launched me on my career path.
Repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was the right thing to do. Now we need to repeal the "Don't ask, Don't Tell" attitude from our national attitude. Be. Do. Contribute. More important than telling is showing who you really are.

Stopping a Bully Movement

2010-10-01T21:00:00.000-04:00

How did Hitler and the Nazi's build a movement that allowed millions of people to be killed and detained in concentration camps? Why didn't people stand up to stop it?
One country did! As the Nazi's moved into Denmark, one young man started a movement to stop a bully movement. One young man!!! He was 17.
PBS ran the Documentary "A Force More Powerful" 10 years ago. You can read more on http://www.aforcemorepowerful.org/films/afmp/stories/denmark.php. Below is an except from that site describing what Arne Sejr did.

"Ten Commandments for Danes

Arne Sejr was seventeen when the Germans invaded. On the first day of the occupation, he noticed that people in his small town were friendly to the German soldiers, and he was outraged. He went home and typed up twenty-five copies of a list of "commandments" to his fellow Danes:

1. You must not go to work in Germany and Norway.

2. You shall do a bad job for the Germans.

3. You shall work slowly for the Germans.

4. You shall destroy important machines and tools.

5. You shall destroy everything that may be of benefit to the Germans.

6. You shall delay all transport.

7. You shall boycott German and Italian films and papers.

8. You must not shop at Nazis' stores.

9. You shall treat traitors for what they are worth.

10. You shall protect anyone chased by the Germans.

Join the Struggle for the freedom of Denmark!

Sejr then stuffed his list into the mailboxes of the most prominent people in his town. The commandments were later recopied and passed from hand to hand to people all over the country."

Please study your history! As the Nazi's gained momentum, much of the world was in a deep economic slump. Excellent communicators built a base of hatred and fear. Good and decent people stood by as those feared populations were rounded up and taken away. It wasn't only the Jews.

Fear can take over. Our own McCarthy era is a prime example. A threat of communism became a huge fear. Thousands of people were branded and blacklisted. If citizens like Edwin R. Morrow had not stood up and spoken up, a mob mentality could have prevailed.

We have that same threat today. As I hear the rhetoric of the Tea Party movement, I see that same mentality. Outrageous claims based on strange rationale and fears, threatens to sweep this country. Good and decent people - don't stand by!!! Hatred and fear is not our final solution. Think! Act! Speak! Don't stand idly by as the bully's work to round up those who have nothing to do the actual issues at hand. THINK!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

2010-09-26T10:56:00.000-04:00

In the course of a day, how often do we hear "my wife" or "my husband"? If you are married, how often do you say it?
Are those not terms to indicate to whom one is bonded? In a recent training I attended, we went around the room with introductions and were asked to tell something significant about ourselves. Over half of the attendees started with their married status and number of children. Long relationships were applauded. What would have happened if I announced that I am a lesbian?
"Don't ask, don't tell" represents more than a military policy in the United States. It's a measure of our society's acceptance of GLBT relationships. It's very closely tied to the right to marry in that our society is struggling with accepting bonds between same sex couples as equal to the bonds between a man and a woman. The civil rights associated with those bonds are denied to same sex couples. If one is in the military, you cannot even talk about it openly.
I often hear that our society has changed a lot and that most people don't care who you are sleeping with. Polls would indicate that is true. Most of those people, I would argue, prefer that you don't tell and they won't ask. They won't openly try to harm you, but they may not applaud if you announce in self introductions to strangers at a training session that you are in a same sex relationship.
Who you are sleeping with has been a long standing introductory question in our society. Are you married? How long? How many children do you have? Isn't that all about asking who you are sleeping with?
And tell the truth - if you ask someone who is 30, 40 or 50 years old - Are you married? Do you have children? And they answer no to both - would you ever follow up with the question - Are you gay or lesbian? How many gay or lesbian people would feel comfortable telling someone new - "No, I'm a lesbian or I'm gay"? It would be even more unusual to get the answer - "I am bi-sexual or transgender."
Interestingly, I do have straight friends that I feel confident would be really cool if someone answered that they were gay or lesbian. They would be comfortable, however, because they know gay and lesbian people. They have a positive frame of reference and would very likely quickly begin a chat about their lesbian friend. But I am not sure these same friends are advocates for striking the military's Don't ask, don't tell policy. And I am not confident they are all open advocates for GLBT civil rights. I'm only certain that they would try to do no harm.
As a lesbian, I would have a very difficult time answering questions from a virtual stranger about married status and children with, "no, I'm a lesbian." That difficulty comes from a negative frame of reference - an expectation that the person on the other side may not have a positive reaction.
Generally, we are uncomfortable on both sides of the introduction. Don't ask, don't tell has been the socially acceptable way of handling things. The announcement of same sex commitments as engagements or marriages or in any other manner is just not accepted as a routine conversation in the same manner as intersexual relationships.
At the core, this issue is about civil rights. Federal courts are hearing the arguments and ruling that facts do not support a need to protect society from GLBT people. Just as the court rulings supporting civil rights for blacks in the late 50's and into the 60's were ahead of legislation and society's acceptance of equality, the courts are now ahead of society's acceptance of equal rights for GLBT people.
Don't ask, don't tell has to go away for those on both sides of the conversation. The next time I am asked by a stranger if I am married or have children, I really should answer - "No, I'm a lesbian." Hmmm. I wonder if I will.

Friendship is Trust

2010-07-09T17:48:00.000-04:00

How do we build trust? I believe it is mostly about believing that a person's motives are true to our shared goals. It does not matter if it is a personal relationship or a professional relationship. Do we both have a shared vision for a final outcome?
The depth of our trust is based in how well we understand our shared vision for a specific outcome. Our understanding only comes with open communication.
Broken communication will nearly always result in a break in trust. We do not know the person's vision or motives. We wind up filling the gaps - deciding what their motives are or what their vision is without hearing it directly from them.
We will be wrong at LEAST 50% of the time.

Precious moments

2010-06-02T22:20:00.000-04:00

The warmer weather and brighter days create blossoms of all kinds. My house is over 100 years old and previous owners planted wonderful flowering gifts. I've added a few and try my best to tend the old ones. I'm not a master gardener and don't stay home enough to do all that I should but I love it. Especially the many rose bushes. If I tend them well, they will bloom up to Thanksgiving sometimes.
Cut back the ones not blooming before they are bare. Work to keep the pests away. Clear the weeds and debris. And the plants are happy - stay healthier and bloom more.
Hmmmm - a life lesson maybe?

What you think I said....

2010-05-28T23:16:00.000-04:00

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant".

The greatest challenge in relationships of any kind is communication. I believe the reason we can have great difficulties with those closest to us is that we believe we know what they think and what they mean. There is at least a 50/50 chance we are wrong.
I wish I would take the time to ask more before I leap to conclusions and I sure wish people I care about would do the same. It sure is nice to have people close to me who are willing and able to ask. And even nicer when they actually believe me when I say "I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant".

What's it like to be you?

2010-05-13T19:05:00.000-04:00

I love the TV segment, often on "Sunday Morning", where the guy throws a dart at a map, goes to the town, then picks a name randomly out of the phone book - that person is interviewed. His premise is that everybody has a story to tell.
As I get to know new people, I have become more and more focused on the question - "What's it like to be you?" What makes you happy? What makes you sad? What makes you angry? How have you arrived at your attitudes and beliefs? What do we have in common? What makes us different?
Everybody does have a story to tell. And maybe if we take a moment to see people - hear people - in a more curious and less judgemental way, we can learn something.

Are you busy enough?

2010-05-06T22:26:00.000-04:00

In the last year or so I've gotten out a lot. Concerts, fundraisers, Chamber Mixers, artist events, plays, ground breaking ceremonies, social time with friends.... And I keep seeing the same faces over and over again. They are the ones making things happen. Talk with them and they quickly tell about something positive they are working on.
What they don't do, is talk about other people and boo hoo about life. They don't gossip. They don't talk about things that really are not your business and they don't talk about things that are none of theirs.
I'm certain they have struggles in their lives. I'm certain they have opinions. But their focus is larger than the average. They see a larger community. Their goal is harmony and building toward a greater good. That is what they are busy about.
I'm finally learning that those who are busy about other people's specific lives simply are not busy enough doing anything positive in their own. I listen more carefully these days. If the talk is about what individuals should or shouldn't be doing in their lives - and it really is just personal BS, I don't want to be around them.
I want to be around those focused on building something, not gossip mongering.

Ripples in the Pond

2010-02-05T15:17:00.000-05:00

If there's one thing I have learned this year, it's how important it is to build positive relationships. Even more important is to keep positive people close and negative people at a distance. Words are powerful things.

It's nearly impossible to keep negative statements and negative attitudes from sticking in our mind somehow. Even if you know they are not right, you exert a certain amount of energy on the negativity. I generally don't shy away from people and have always been quite tolerant of people who could be difficult to deal with. Those relationships are not positive. They drain energy. Stay in that place and it will feel like a whirlpool - churning and churning in a circle that goes nowhere.

Get around positive people with positive attitudes and the energy grows - yours, theirs and a new collective energy. Positive people overcome challenges, create a shared vision, and get things done. They possess qualities of thankfulness, recognition of the contributions of others, clarity of purpose. When they throw a stone in the pond, the ripples never stop doing more good.

The most important thing positive people demonstrate is the understanding and the skills required to build and maintain healthy relationships. When they walk in a room, people take notice and want to be near them. They lift the mood. That's who I want to be and who I want to be around.

What is Progressive?

2010-02-01T20:34:00.000-05:00

Last weekend was the first PA Progressive Summit in Harrisburg. More than 500 people gathered from varied perspectives to talk about how to better solve serious issues. It was an amazing mix - labor, education, women's rights, LGBT rights, environmentalists, interfaith community... all feeling we shared much common ground in our desire to make our communities better.

What I love about the experience is that the focus was solutions. While the issues and stumbling blocks were discussed, there was an overwhelming sense of focus on overcoming the issues and removing roadblocks. There was no name calling or character assassination regarding those on opposing sides. There was no talk of protests and attack strategies.

We talked about building bridges, communicating more effectively, building strong social relationships, and supporting those in our communities with similar vision. I also heard great wisdom about dealing with those who may seem to oppose the issues we may raise. It was very much an overall message of lifting one another up and lifting our communities - finding common ground through which we can make progress.

It was wonderful to see people I crossed paths with before - from Harrisburg, DC and in other gatherings. I walked away feeling great about a growing network across the state and feeling great about the positive people I've grown to admire in Venango County.

In my mind, being progressive means working for solutions. It's about seeing things that need done and finding ways to do them.

From freedictionary.com

1. Moving forward; advancing.

2. Proceeding in steps; continuing steadily by increments: progressive change.

3. Promoting or favoring progress toward better conditions or new policies, ideas, or methods

Check out details at http://paprogressivesummit.org/

Onward and Upward

2010-01-09T10:02:00.000-05:00

Life is all about learning and growing. That usually means pushing beyond what is known and comfortable. I've learned the most when there was great conflict involved. And the greatest joys have been when conflicts were overcome.

I am solution oriented and find it very frustrating when I'm confronted with people who are battle oriented. The battle seems more important to them than any ideal to work toward. They thrive on the fight.

I've not been good about seeing these people coming before becoming embroiled in conflict. I've been thinking a lot about the signs and about the things in me that leads me down these paths.

Battle people hold onto a lot of hurt - every insult, every wrong, all the ways other people have not measured up. That's a huge sign.

The message for me is that I don't want to be a battle person. I need to be less focused on hurt and more focused on positive things. It's no fun living life angry. Focusing on the anger just makes every insult - every wrong - loom larger than it probably really needs to be.

There are many conflicts in life - many things to do to make our world a lot better. I want to be about solutions - Onward and Upward!

An Eclectic Mix

2009-12-24T23:14:00.000-05:00

In one of my media classes years ago, our professor asked what magazines, if any, we subscribed to at the time. As I recall mine were MS Magazine, Mother Earth News, Business Week, Newsweek and Reader's Digest. He was humored by the eclectic mix.

I have always been rather eclectic. I'm curious about people - why they believe and do the things they do. That is probably why communications has been the right field for me. The study of interpersonal communications, intercultural communications, and mass media is so very interesting to me. Pay attention and it removes your egocentric perspective. You have to try to step into the other person's shoes.

Why is it that what I said isn't what you heard? Why is your belief system different than mine? How do we move an audience to a conclusion of some thought or action?

As a corporate media producer for a global company I have to apply these things to everything I do. One day I may be working with the President's message to employees, and the next it may be a video explaining how to use a remote control for machines.

On a personal level, I enjoy that same diversity. I like being around people who are doing all kinds of things and who hold all kinds of beliefs. Of course, I am most drawn to those who share common values of community. But I don't fear people who think differently and walk a different path. Unless it is overtly destructive, I am curious and often entertained to learn more.

My measure of how close I want to be to those who are different is how much they laugh. Where there is joy, there is something to be learned of greater personal value.

Coming Out

2009-12-22T04:35:00.000-05:00

As a 52 year old activist for GLBT rights, I am sometimes asked what it is I am fighting for and why. I ask myself that question quite often - especially when it seems the very people who would seem to be allies - should be allies - are so petty and dysfunctional.

As I search my source of motivation, I return to my coming out days. At 18, much to my surprise, I fell in love with a woman. I hid it from my friends and family. I struggled to make sense of it. I felt guilt and fear based on all that I had been taught. I rejected the notion that I could be a lesbian. My religious and cultural upbringing was in total conflict with my loving another woman.

When that relationship ended, I was devastated. I had no one to talk with about it. She was the only one who knew. She was gone.

I tried everything I could think of to get over it - to excuse it away. I immersed myself in "Campus Crusade for Christ". I dated a nice man who asked me to marry him. But nothing worked to change what I knew. It did not fit for me. I could not be in that world any longer. I thought I could not be in the world any longer. I felt as though this one relationship was so isolated and so unique that I was forever an outsider the world around me.

A year later, the loneliness and isolation was overwhelming. In the depths of my anguish, two Nuns addressed my religious issues. And a friend put me in touch with a community of older Lesbians who had built a community and lived rather openly.

That is why I speak out now. That is what I am fighting for - that person - 18, 30, 40, or older - who has discovered they love someone of the same sex and is struggling to make sense of it. The person who feels they are in the wrong body somehow.

Our hearts do not know gender. Love is not a gender.

I am so lucky that I learned I was a lesbian when I was just 18. As I meet GLBT people who have learned this in later years, I realize that the older you are, the more baggage there is to overcome. Children, jobs, older parents, spouses, community ties, all become major hurdles. I have heard these stories over and over again with gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender people who have come out in later years. Some have lost their jobs. Some have lost family relationships. It has caused divorces. It has resulted in community scrutiny.

I am fighting to provide a sense of community for those who struggle with these issues. I am fighting to help to educate the world that understands love knows no gender. Love is what it is. I am fighting for love because I love.

Stepping outside your zone

2009-12-21T00:48:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite college courses was Intercultural Communications. It forced me to step outside my comfort zone and examine my own biases.

One particular assignment has stuck with me. We were asked to select a culture that we felt we did not like and study it. At the ripe old age of 25, I was a non-traditional student - had served in the Air Force - lived in different cultures. I thought I was pretty sophisticated. It was a bit shocking to have to admit that I did not like a whole culture. I grew up under the influence of WWII Veterans. The Vietnam War raged before my eyes. My intercultural experiences were not so broad - Greenland and Spain. To put it delicately, I had no appreciation of Asian Culture. So, I chose to study Japan.

While I still have not traveled to an Asian country, that single assignment was life altering. I gained a sense of continuity, ancestry, and personal spiritual growth. Most important, I have carried a belief that there are wonderful things to be gained from really examining how someone different travels this earth. There are many paths. We can all benefit from exploration.

Expectations

2009-12-13T00:55:00.000-05:00

What often gets us in trouble in life is expectations. Our employer has certain expectations - fail them - we are out of a job. Society has expectations - many of which are legislated - break them and there are consequences. Families and friends have expectations. Break them and conflicts ensue.

Our struggle is in determining if the expectations are reasonable and rational. I love my job. I am salaried which comes with an expectation that I will do whatever is needed when it is needed to be done. To some, what I do to meet that expectation may seem unreasonable and irrational. But I feel I am getting the return on that investment that is very reasonable. As long as the company's expectations and mine are met, we have a happy union.

Personal relationships are the same. Are the expectations reasonable and rational? Is the return on investment positive on both sides? When it is not, the relationship unravels.

I notice with myself that I come unglued when I have expectations that are not being met. Are my expectations realistic, reasonable and rational? Does the other person know what I am expecting in return for my investment? It's a two party contract. Both parties need to know the parameters. It's only going to work well if expectations match. When they do, there is great joy. It's a happy union.

It can take serious work to get to that place. I have had struggles with my job. There have been times that I felt the balance was not good and even wanted to walk away. I am very thankful that I did not!

The successful personal relationships are the same. We work through those expectations. We find the space where we can find the greatest joy. These are happy unions. It is worth the struggle to find that joy.

Sister Girlfriends!

2009-11-29T20:07:00.000-05:00

I grew up with four sisters - all with wonderfully diverse personalities. At one point, all five of us shared the same room! You can imagine how that was. Sometimes we fought one another - even actual knock down, drag out fights. We cried together. We told one another our secrets. We schemed together. Through it all, we loved each other and love each other still.

We have gone too long of times without seeing or talking to one another. We have had major differences. But if one of my sisters calls needing me, I will drop the world to be there for her. Our tenderness with one another has grown. We say 'I love you' a lot more and a lot easier.

These sisters I speak of are not blood sisters. They are step-sisters. But we grew up together and, we have chosen each other. We remain full sisters by choice. Distance scatters us and we cannot see one another as often as we should, but they are mine.

A wonderful group of women have emerged around me this year. Strong sisters! As with my other sisters, I am the sole lesbian. But I do believe, every strong woman is a lesbian at some level. Forgive the labels. Women identified women! The connections between us vary. It is not necessarily sexual but it is deeply affectionate. To me, it is a spiritual connection.

I am thankful for it. I am thankful for all my sisters.

Generally, I find, that these strong women - if attached to men - are attached to some pretty awesome men who are confident and comfortable in their relationships. As a primarily 'woman identified woman' on most all levels, this has been interesting for me to learn. Some pretty awesome men have helped me to understand it. One is my bother - who grew up in a whole house full of sisters. And two pretty awesome guys I work with have had a lot to say.

Today and Now

2009-11-28T01:24:00.000-05:00

There's much to be said about living in the moment. This day - what lies right before us - can be as magical and wonderful as we allow it to be. We clutter our hearts and minds with fears. Fears based on the past. Fears based on what might or should be in the future. Fears imposed upon us by others.

I recall an old quote that went something like this; "Yesterday is gone, forget about it. Tomorrow has not come, don't worry about it. Today is here, live it."

Of course, that is cliche and terribly black and white, but the central truth is that if yesterday and tomorrow are holding you back from today, you aren't really living. We need to remember the mistakes of yesterday so we don't repeat them. We need to remember that mistakes we make today are likely to hold consequences tomorrow. But, if this day - this moment - we act with a true heart, deep respect, love and kindness, we can live without fear.

Our lives ripple across many others. Sometimes those surrounding us are creating waves against us and even threaten to drown us. Most often, the churning is based in fear. Fear, not hate, is the opposite of love.

The Social Movement of our Times

2009-10-30T22:13:00.000-04:00

Throughout our nations history there have been periods of social movement. Many struggles for social justice peaked. The abolitionist movement, the union movement, the suffragist movement, the civil rights movement. If you are like me, you see these times in history as exciting and important.
Those days are not gone. The movement for equality and justice continues. As long as injustice and inequality remain, our voices must rise to speak against them. Always our goal should be to build a better society for all. Sadly, it appears to be human nature to identify and separate people based on some form of "otherness".

Today marks a wave toward social justice for LGBT people. I urge you to be part of it. Do not sit on the sideline and later wish you had been there. It is now. It is here. And you can have a voice.

And know that social justice will not stop here. Let this wave continue. Let this wave move toward a greater understanding of fairness and equality for all.

We all share some kind of "otherness". If not today, you could be the "other" of tomorrow. The true test comes down to how we, as individuals, care for those around us - irrespective of our "otherness". Truth. Honesty. Respect. If I am different but am truthful, honest and respectful of you, I can expect the same in return - even if you are different from me.

That old Golden Rule. That old Golden Rule.

Our Darkest Hours

2009-10-28T19:28:00.000-04:00

There are times in our lives that we face many roadblocks. Everywhere we look, it seems there is devastation in the pathway out. In those moments we can feel most alone. I am certain we land in those situations for many reasons - and we land there due to our own failings.
Those failings are not nearly as important as what we do to overcome them.
In those moments, what makes the greatest difference is in whom we choose to listen - really listen! The wisdom comes in our willingness to hear.
I have been most fortunate to have strong and trusted friends and family who are able to not only hear me, but also to tell me what I need to hear. They have reminded me of my strengths and weaknesses. They have lifted to me and motivated me to be more - to do more - and to keep doing better. I am able to be most honest with them and, as a result, get the best and most honest advice. Their advise is sometimes difficult to hear. But I can trust them and know that I will have to sift through what they say.
They are my board of directors. I know, and they know, what they tell me will be filtered through their own experience with me and with other personal situations. They keep me honest and true to the values they believe we share. They are a great gift. I do not always follow their advice. When I am wrong, they find a gentle way to tell me "I told you so" quickly followed with continued support. When I am right, they are the greatest cheerleaders.
In addition to my personal board of directors, I have advisors. Typically, they do not have the longer range of view with me or not the keener insight based on experience, but I believe they add great value. Often, I know, these advisors will one day rise to board status. In any case, their voices matter to me.
They all matter because they keep me on a truer path. They lift me up. They inspire me to be better - to do better - to be more.
In your darkest hour - look to your board of directors - your advisors. Be certain they are not excusing you but rather lifting you to better places.

About God

2009-10-24T12:12:00.000-04:00

As a child, my mother took me regularly to a solid and very loving Christian church. I loved it. The church was just up the road so I knew everyone and where they lived. They were friends and neighbors and I adored them. I wholeheartedly believed all that they taught me.
At 8 years old, I learned that it wasn't always right. We were taught that if we prayed a certain way with the total and complete faith of a child, our prayer would be answered. One fateful night, that teaching was tested. With total and complete faith and conviction, I took my little brothers hand, assured him that everything would be all right and prayed exactly as we had been taught. I believed it so completely, that when adults tried to tell me my prayer had not been answered - my mother had died - I refused to believe them.
In the months that followed I struggled to determine which truth was wrong. Did God really operate the way we were told? If so, my mother was out there somewhere and adults were lying about it. I was angry either way.
My aunt started taking me to her church where the preacher talked a lot about hell fire, damnation and the wrath of God. That brought on a whole set of internal questions. What a horrible girl I must be that God could not hear me.
So, decades later, what is my view about God?
I believe God is very different and much simpler than is taught in most Christian churches. And yet it is more complicated perhaps because the focus is not on what God will do for us, but rather getting in tune with God and what God is. God is all the energy of everything combined. God is everything and everywhere. There is a natural flow and our energy is part of that.
It's like learning to surf. There are multiple waves continuously coming. Choose the right wave, at the right time, and get your energy flowing with it, and you have a great ride. The person next to you can try the same wave and it can knock them down. It's not the waves fault. It's all about developing the right skills and getting in line with the wave.
God is not going to intercede and put us on the wave where we want or need to be. And God is not going to purposely knock us down. It is simply about our getting ourselves in line with the energy force that is "God". Simply, I say. Well, as simple as developing any skill. Put me on a surf board with some big waves and you'll see me knocked around a lot. And as I work on this simple spiritual skill, I still get knocked around a lot. Still searching for that perfect wave.

Choose your battles

2009-10-18T22:40:00.000-04:00

There's a cool show I like to watch when I think of it called "What Would you do?" It's an odd twist on the old Candid Camera show. Situations are staged that cause on-lookers to make a decision to intervene or not. Situations like a blind person given the wrong change in a store, at an open house visitors steal things, an upscale store is obviously racially profiling, or gay men are openly affectionate in sports bar. Sometimes no-one stands up to defend the victim. So, they ratchet up the actor bully role until someone simply can't stand it any longer and intervenes. I feel bad for the person who is duped in the story - the one who speaks up. It's always emotional. It kind of bothers me that they were tricked.
But it does pose a lot of questions for me beyond what I would do in the given situation. I wonder, is it easier to stand up for strangers in a situation that appears clearly wrong? Somehow, it seems so. We can speak up. Feel good about it. Walk away and never see those people again.
The battles that rage among our friends and family are much more difficult. We all see one another a lot. We will cross paths again and again. The context of the battles are so much larger. And the lines are much less black and white.
Perhaps the battle then should be to find a way that lifts all parties up. How do we do that for the person who is purposely giving the blind person the wrong change? What if the person doing that misdeed was your brother or your friend? Would it make a difference in how you handle it?

Voices

2009-10-14T21:34:00.000-04:00

All voices need to be heard. Even when it is difficult, we need to hear the dissenting view. That's important. But typically, the person yelling loudest is not going to be the one to roll up their sleeves and get the real work done. And more often than not, the person yelling the loudest is creating a cloud of dust that everyone else has to try to clear in order to find real answers.
People willing and able to take leadership positions in our community are tough to come by. Yelling loudly is not leadership.
Listen to - seek out - those calmer voices that are talking about getting real work done. They are talking about building the trails and clearing the pathway to something more.

Chip Away - "Out in the Silence"

2009-10-07T18:07:00.000-04:00

Anyone who has faced injustice, especially repeated injustice, knows how difficult it is NOT to wear a chip on your shoulder. Bitterness and fear are strong emotions. They are ugly emotions which cause us to pre-judge. Then it's a vicious cycle of self fulfilling prophesies.
How do we get past that?
I watched Joe Wilson and Dean Hamer's documentary, "Out in the Silence" for the second time last night, at Pitt Titusville. I have deep respect for these two and the work they are doing. The greatest message is one of hope. Hope is the answer to overcoming bitterness and fear.
There are times our hope is misplaced. There are those, like Diane Gramley of the AFA, whose lies and beliefs are so entrench that they cannot work toward solutions. Confrontation only energizes them. They become more entrenched and spin bigger lies. Their objective is solely to silence their "enemy". There is little hope that they will rationally seek solutions.
How do we get past that?
We realized they are not part of our hope for progress. We carefully, patiently and rationally expose their lies. We open dialogues with good people who are willing and able to understand. We place our hope in telling the truth as often as we can to as many as we can. We have to maintain a healthy level of optimism that the truth will ultimately be accepted. Otherwise, all the person sees is the big chip on your shoulder.
Finally, there must be legislative and legal protection. Without it, hope wears thin. Injustice cannot be allowed to thrive.
Overlook it - it will grow.

Transparency and Trust

2009-09-27T11:59:00.000-04:00

I am very uncomfortable when someone tells me secrets or asks me not to tell a specific person something. It makes me suspicious. What more don't I know? What has the person tried to keep me from knowing? What are they doing that they are ashamed of doing?
I'm told I tend to be too open about things. I don't see a need to hide a lot. If I can't trust you to know things about me, then it is one of two problems. 1) It's something I shouldn't be doing or saying 2) You are using that information in a way to purposely hurt me.
I sincerely avoid doing and saying things I shouldn't.
If you take information from me and use it to purposely hurt me, I should avoid you.
I believe in transparency because it builds trust. It builds trust personally. It builds trust professionally.
Obviously, I'm going to protect certain information from getting into the hands of people who cannot be trusted. I don't want criminals getting my financial information, for example.
But when I begin to hear couples tell friends not to tell their spouse something - where they were, or about a shopping trip or about a speeding ticket or worse - it's a sign of a bigger problem. Transparency and trust.
With businesses, it's the same thing. If a lot is being hidden from the public or employees or management, there's probably a bigger problem.

A Healthy Attitude

2009-09-21T18:32:00.000-04:00

No matter what is going on in our lives, a healthy attitude makes all the difference. Our attitude - how we choose to speak and act - is the one thing we, ourselves have full control over. It's our choice.
I try to remind myself of that fact often. It's my choice how I react. It's my choice what I think. It's my choice what I feel. I may make that choice based on someone else's action, but my reaction is still my choice. One of my favorite song lyrics is; "There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line. The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine."
It's when I most stubbornly seek the black and white - the absolute - that I am most distressed. Life is a crooked line with more than one answer.
As I consider those I most admire, it is those who display an optimism and healthy respect for everyone around them. Their optimism and respect lift me up. These are the people who seek excellence in what they do. They can communicate their expectations in a positive way - even in conflict. They do not fear conflict but are always approaching it from a determination to find a solution.
They know there is more than one answer and they are willing to hear it. They key is ANSWERS. That, to me, is a healthy attitude.

Building Bridges

2009-09-19T22:52:00.000-04:00

The toughest challenge in any debate, any conflict - is to communicate one's point without name calling and without attacking the person rather than addressing the actual issue. If we are to be successful in bridging our divide, we have to be able to communicate our differences in way that helps us each understand what separates us. Then, we can begin to discover what we have in common. If the things we say are intended to invoke an emotional response, or are an emotional response rather than rational discourse, we cannot expect to find solutions.
We see so much of that in politics these days. And, sadly, we do it in our personal lives as well. It's difficult to work through things sometimes. When we disagree with someone, don't like what they are saying or if we don't want to believe a truth, we will take an emotional route. "Kill the messenger". Discredit them with things that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue at hand. Distract everyone's attention. Shift the focus to something quite trivial but may capture a knee jerk response.
As I follow the health care debate, I am so saddened by this type of reaction. "Socialist" "Nazi" and derogatory signs that are inflamatory and, I believe strongly, simply racist. What is that about?
FDR was called Socialist in his calls for reforms that this country now embraces. Social Security is one of them.
We have a health care crisis in this country. We are far behind the rest of the world in caring for our citizens in many ways. If it is "socialistic" to believe we need to take care of one another, I am not ashamed to bear that label. But Nazi??? Who could say anyone who wants to provide care for all is a Nazi? Come on!
Businesses cannot endure the rising costs of health care. Some say employees should not expect that benefit. If employers cannot afford it, how can we expect employees to take on the burden themselves? So, what is the solution?
We are supposed to be one of the greatest countries in the world. Can we not solve this together? Let's stop the name calling and the distraction and get this job done.

Dynamics

2009-09-12T09:31:00.000-04:00

Family relationships are a microcosm of societal interaction. The larger and more extended the family relationships the better the representation of the broader society. Through the years there are conflicts, dramas, crisis and celebrations. Families come together and families are sometimes split to pieces.
At your last family reunion or gathering, was there one person who walked in and changed the whole tone? Good and bad?
The same thing happens in the board room, the social club meeting, the school reunion and in any regular gathering.
When I was teaching, I was humored that each class had the same personality dynamics. There was always an over achiever. There was always a student who tested the teacher. There was always a student with excuses. There was always a student refusing to work within the structure of the system. And these were adults.
These approaches to interacting in groups surely began with family relationships. It's tough to break patterns of behavior that are deeply ingrained. Of course, the good patterns we want to keep. The bad may be very difficult to overcome, especially if they are not recognized as bad.
As I've heard stories from friends about the various gatherings this summer, I've been interested in the ones talking about the relative who was perhaps a step out somehow. The most positive stories were about city relatives coming to the country. The kids began their visit timid and uncertain about getting involved. With encouragement, they were soon kayaking and cooking on an open fire. It took caring encouragement.
The saddest was about a relative who is perpetually stirring drama. Without even being at the family gathering, she was able to interject a degree of controversy. It was based on a battle that has been a recurring theme for many decades in that family.
Where did it begin? And how can it ever end?
I'm learning for myself that the better I work with family issues, the better I work with larger groups. Family issues are the most difficult and there seems to always be one family member that seems simply impossible. That's a challenge. I'm thinking if I can learn a comfortable way of dealing with that one, I can use that skill later in a larger context. I've certainly had more time to practice and may be able to get away with more mistakes on that one.

Believe...

2009-09-08T22:15:00.000-04:00

“Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” Benjamin Franklin
As we muddle through the vast array of information now available to us, how do we determine what is true and what is not? So much information is at our fingertips but how much is simply garbage?
Maybe we should take the approach Ben Franklin advised. If someone tells you something, simply don't believe it is true. If you see something, believe there is a 50/50 chance that it is true. So, then what do we do?
In the end, I think we need to all learn to follow our inner voice. There is a positive energy - a source of all things good - God, perhaps. We need to quiet all around us - what we have heard - what we have seen - and let our inner spirit guide us to what is right and true.
Maybe that is why I have been thinking about Greenland lately. Imagine the silence of that place in the deepest chill of winter. A dark northern sky - only a few hundred souls nearby - only the sound of cold nature - darkness - a crunching snow - Silence, thundering Silence. A clarity that the soul can feel and hear. Something that can be believed deeper than one can see or hear.

Fall Arrival In Greenland

2009-09-05T19:11:00.000-04:00

I arrived in Greenland October 1978. We flew in a C-130 cargo plane stopping in Goose Bay, Labrador before hopping the ocean. It wasn't fancy. Like riding in an oversize cargo van, there was no insulation and it was very noisy. Webbed cots folded out from the sides and we could lay down for the trip which was about 4 hours from Goose Bay.
We arrived in daylight though the days were already growing short and the temperature was wintery, about 30F. I was immediately issued heavy mittens, a parka, Sorrel boots (which I still wear) and mukluk's (a boot with attached canvas leg protection that tied at the thigh.)
Bundled up, I was ready for the grand tour. The landscape is stark like a frozen desert. It is not green at all. The little vegetation that exists is short and brown. Less than 1000 people were living there; about 800 Danish, 80 US Air Force and a small number of US civilians. Most of the Danish people lived on one side of the runway and the rest of lived on the other. There was a movie theatre, an NCO club, a gym and bowling alley, the Polar Bear Hotel, a dining hall, the Base Exchange and barracks on the US side. On the other side was Scandinavian Airlines and the International Airport with a restaurant and grocery store and apartments were nearby.
From the Danish side, we could drive out to the port on the longest paved road in all of Greenland - 9 miles - speed limit 35 mph.
From the US side, we could drive across the fjord and up the mountain on a 3 mile dirt road to Lake Ferguson, a beautiful glacial lake - deep and blue. That was my regular drive for work at the Radio and Television Station. A short walk away was the Danish Row club which by October, was closed for the season.
This would be my world for the next year. The nearest civilization is hours by plane, longer by boat, and a dogsled is only going to get you to an even smaller village somewhere out there. The next day I would meet the station manager for my first official day as a broadcaster in Armed Forces Radio and Television.

A Year In Greenland

2009-09-04T15:26:00.000-04:00

One of the most extraordinary experiences in my young life was being stationed at Sondrestrom Air Base. That was 30 years ago.
It closed as a US Air Base in 1992.
I've been thinking for some years that I'd really like to go back. So, recently, I downloaded Google Earth to see if I could find it. And I did. From the air the place looks pretty much like I remember. It's still a very small town - Kangerlussuaq. Now it is promoted as a tourist destination. Is Greenland on your list of tourist destinations? It is on mine. I lived there one year.
http://www.greenland-guide.gl/kangerlussuaqtourism/
Check out the midnight sun tab. I saw the northern lights in even greater glory than the picture shows. The pictures of Lake Ferguson reveal the landscape I saw everyday. It's about 3 miles up the mountain from Kangerlussuaq and where the Radio/TV station broadcasts originated in those days. The Danish Row club was nearby.
So, what is Greenland like? Sondrestrom - Kangerlussuaq - is the "Miami" of the north. While Thule had a complete underground system for going from one place to another, we did not need that in Sondrestrom. Our winter temperatures that year were in the -60F degree range. As long as we plugged our vehicles in, they would start. We dressed accordingly and learned that exposed skin was not an option.
I wrote home that I had walked to the truck without drying my hair and it froze on the way to the truck. My family sent me a hair dryer. There are no trees - except for the one in Royal Danish Commander's yard which was in a pot. My brother sent me pictures of the trees of PA in various stages of color.
Greenland is an amazing place. I will write more about that year in the days ahead. At this time, 30 years ago, I was leaving there. I was there when they won their "independence" - home rule. I spent only one year there but am still drawn to it. I am drawn to the place but also the people - both Danish and Greenlandic. I am also drawn to the historic significance of the United States presence there.

A Rhetoric of Motives

2009-09-03T20:25:00.000-04:00

Two of my favorite college courses were Communication Law and Communication Theory. Communication Law focused on the First Amendment and copyright. Communication Theory dissected the complicated aspects of communication.
As we examined First Amendment cases, I was facinated by the distinctions between free speech and individual rights protecting libel and slander. We do not have the right to lie. We cannot yell "fire" in a crowd. And if those lies harm another, it is against the law - whether verbally or in writing. It's really that simple.
Communication Theory was my passion. I love it still. How do we effectively communicate a message? How do we effectively evaluate the messages we hear and see? My career has led me in the path of crafting messages so I am reminded to go back to basics often and look at how messages are perceived. How can we craft communications to help people understand our intended message? And, as we receive a message, how do we determine it's true intent or truthfulness?
We often assume a great deal. When we hear gossip, for example, how do we determine what is true? Is it more reliable based on the person who tells it? Is it more reliable if they tell a story and a portion of the information is also in the newspaper? Is it more reliable if that person tells the gossip in front of someone else who nods in agreement?
How do you decide? My favorite theorist, Kenneth Burke, would point to Motives. Look deeply at the motives of the communication source. You must go beyond the message and seek the greater context. There you will gain a larger truth. You can apply this to corporations or individuals. Look for the motives behind the rhetoric.

The Power of Words

2009-08-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

Words are so very powerful. I think we underestimate the impact of the things we say - the words we write - the words we say.
I can mark a number of turning points in my life. Words people spoke to me that resinated and influenced me to make a decision. Most I can name, but one I recall and will never remember his name. And I am certain he would never remember me at all. Each are single conversations at a moment in time where I was making a choice or about to make a choice.
My 5th grade teacher whom I met by chance on the street while I was in college the first time. She inquired about my major and told me it was wrong for me. "You should be studying Literature, journalism..." She was right. Within the year, I was in the Air Force as a military broadcaster. Hadn't even imagined it at that moment.
Then the program manager at the local radio station that I met some months later told me he had gotten his start in Armed Forces Radio. Then the career counselor in Boot Camp who told me what to do to get into the field.
None of them will ever know the impact of the little things they said. They offered them with sincerity and positive intent. And I latched onto them.
I write. I blog. I speak. I sing.
This last week, I've had a number of reminders of how meaningful it is to offer positive and sincere words. What if my 5th grade teacher had not shared her thoughts? What if the program director had not shared his experience? What if the career counselor had not shared his knowledge?
So often we are afraid to say a thing. We are afraid to share our experience. We are afraid to offer true counsel.
Write. Blog. Speak. Sing. If it is sincere - from the heart - from what you know to be true - it is needed in the world and can make a world of difference.

Rooting for the Underdog

2009-08-27T17:55:00.000-04:00

A little over 20 years ago (where did the time go?) I was contracted in Franklin County, PA to develop volunteer services for that area. My job was to market, promote and help place volunteers in the various county run and non-profit organizations in both Franklin and Fulton Counties. It was a very humbling experience. So many programs and projects were underway and I met the most amazing people. From the Chamber of Commerce, the Red Cross, Area Agency on Aging, March of Dimes, Easter Seals, Drug and Alcohol, Crisis Center, Exchange Club, Lions Club, Kiwanis, Junior Women's Club, Family Services, the Hospitals and so many more.
Most of us are totally unaware of how many people in our communities are serving everyday. While the causes are all worthwhile and needed, one touched my heart more than all the rest. It offered the greatest promise, the greatest challenges, the greatest rewards and also the greatest dangers. It was the Exchange Club's Parent/Child Center. Volunteers train to become mentors for parents who are at risk - most often single mothers who are stressed, uneducated and in need of mom's themselves. It's a huge commitment and often the result of a referral from Children and Youth services.
I'm one of those people - and I know there are many of us - who love to see a story about someone overcoming adversity. I saw that with the Parent/Child Center and having been intimately involved, I understand the many sacrifices it took by many people to see the success. I remember the ones who didn't make it. I remember the frantic calls in the night with a crisis that threatened to tip the balance the other direction. And I remember some that tipped the wrong direction on those frantic nights.
One young woman had 5 children to 5 different fathers. She was faltering. Someone "in the system" believed she had a chance. She was referred to the program and matched with a volunteer. That volunteer promised 2 years of her life to mentor that young woman. By the time I left the area, that young woman not only graduated from the program but earned an Associate Degree and had become a Parent/Child Center volunteer herself.
We cannot know who is going to make it and who is not. The best we can do is provide opportunity for someone to begin to make the right decisions. THEY need to make the right decisions. Sometimes they need someone to guide them toward those decisions.
I will always root for the underdog when I know they are truly working to overcome adversity. We cannot let adversity become an excuse for not doing the right things. It's a great balance we all face. When it comes together - combined energies - it grows like a a perfect wave and we can all ride it through to the shore. 20 years later, I still remember one underdog who rode the wave, and all the people who helped create that wave.

Say No

2009-08-26T20:23:00.000-04:00

As we strive to be the best, to achieve the best, and to create positive outcomes for the broader community, we have to SAY NO to those who obviously seek the opposite.
I remember our playground bully - DH. He pushed to the front of the line. We didn't say anything. He took things that didn't belong to him. No one stopped him. He'd pick on certain kids and said horrible things to them and about them. No one stopped him. We were all afraid of him. And if he wasn't directly picking on us, we didn't want to get involved. The minute he stepped on the playground, we were all tense. Of course he had a couple of buddies at his side who were too stupid or afraid not to follow him. Even the teachers seemed intimidated by DH or simply didn't want to intervene. He had big stories to explain why he punched or pushed somebody. They appeared to believe him.
One day on the playground, he was picking on somebody and one girl - alone - stood up to him. She didn't hit or punch him. She just stood up and said what everybody else would not. She told him that all the kids on the playground were sick of his actions - sick of his talk - sick of the way he treated everyone. She told him he needed to stop. And it stopped. The reason it stopped is because all the other kids gathered behind her and agreed.
DH didn't bully on the playground again. We all realized that, together, we could say no. We took care of each other.
Bullies are liars and if they have an audience - if those around them remain silent - they are empowered. They will keep bullying until everyone tells them NO. Tell the bully NO next time - this has to stop!

"The Secret"

2009-08-26T11:00:00.000-04:00

In a dark hour not so long ago, I met a woman who recommended this movie - "The Secret". It was the third time I was prompted to watch it. I did. As a result of that movie, the following is posted on my refridgerator. It is so profound that it will take a few minutes to read and a lifetime to master. I believe it is the essence of every great religion - it is what "the Master" intended us to grasp.

"I promise myself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet. To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true. To think only the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on the the greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet. To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others. To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong fro fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble. To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds. To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me."

Christian D. Larson

Live like there's no tomorrow

2009-08-25T16:58:00.000-04:00

A friend is challenged these days by his teenage daughter as she pushes the envelop. She's breaking rules, defying direction and generally stressing both mom and dad as they try to keep her safe. She's sure she knows better and is very angry when she gets caught in lies.
As I watch the pushing and pulling, I am reminded of all the things I was told at that age. "There are consequences for what you do." "Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you should." "Don't be so egocentric." (I had to look that word up.) "If you want to be treated as an adult, you have to be responsible and be accountable for your actions." "The choices you make affect everyone around you."
I'm not sure how I got through those adolescent years without hurting myself or someone around me. I really wanted to live like there was no tomorrow. Very short sighted with a very narrow view of the impact of what I was doing. Living by impulse. That's not so unusual for adolescents.
As I look back over the things I was told as a youth, they still apply. There are consequences for what we do. Be careful who you follow. Don't be egocentric. If you want your freedom, it comes with responsibility and accountability. The decisions we make very often affect more than just ourselves. Those are solid values.
It's about seeing beyond your little fenced in yard and beyond what feels good today. There are other people around you. There are days ahead. We need to look ahead. We need to plan ahead.
We see a lot of adolescent behavior throughout our society and a lot of it comes from adults. Banking institutions create "products" to quickly make a buck. Many politicians make decisions based primarily on pole numbers. Many corporations make decisions primarily to get their stock prices up. As individuals we spend our money as fast as, sometimes faster than, it is coming in. No tomorrow - it feels good today. Very adolescent behavior.
Time to be grown up.

Invest to combat fraud

2009-08-24T18:43:00.000-04:00

I sent this as a letter to the editor of the Derrick which ran August 21, 2009. Coincidentally, on the page before, a story ran about a local business fraud investigation.

Editor:
In these tough economic times, scams and white collar crime are reportedly on the rise. Small towns and areas like Venango County are particularly vulnerable as they know there are few (perhaps no) trained resources in the police departments and throughout the justice system that can be dedicated to investigating such crimes.
Recently a friend's debit/credit card information was stolen and used to attempt to purchase items. Her credit card provider caught it. She had a pretty good idea how the information was stolen and a lead that it was device fraud, but local law enforcement could not help and referred her to the FTC website. Perhaps they simply didn't know what to do. They are not trained for it and with other seemingly more pressing crimes... But if it was your credit card and you felt there was a local tie, you would want someone locally to take an interest. The bank protected her, but who's protecting the bank?
As a community, we want to be welcoming to investment and potential investors. And sometimes they just won't be able to provide the results they thought they could. But sometimes, they never intended to provide what was promised. When it appears that is what has happened, when there is evidence that has happened - but it is not investigated because there simply aren't enough resources to investigate - the community is at risk.
This is a very tough issue for communities like ours because our resources are stretched thin. In difficult economic times, scams and white collar crime rise. We all pay for it somehow.
So, what do we do? A few years ago, Greeley Colorado faced this issue. Through fundraising efforts, the County Commissioners raised money to hire investigators. Funds came in from banks, businesses and victims.
It's a good investment. It makes the community a safer place to do business.
Most important, if you feel you have been a victim of fraud – a scam – a white collar crime – report it to law enforcement, your magistrate, or the District Attorney. If you don't report it, they can't help and will never know the depth of the problem. Fraud is not a civil matter. It is criminal.
Linda Henderson, Franklin

Black Tie Barrow

2009-08-23T10:13:00.000-04:00

Last night's fundraiser event at the Barrow Civic Theatre was a great success. An amazing group of people have worked very hard to keep this wonderful place alive. At this event, they took the opportunity to pay tribute to many of those people while showcasing what the Barrow has to offer - ballet, opera, showtunes, dance...
I'm sure many in the audience, like me, took a bit of a trip down memory lane. I remember going to movies there when it was the Kayton. I remember when it was a sporting goods store. I remember when the Civic Operetta performed at the Franklin High School.
While I have never been significantly involved with the Civic Operetta or the Barrow, I have been positively affected by experiences with them. One of my teachers asked me to volunteer as an usher for shows at the High School. It provided opportunity for me to see the shows. I saw 1776, Little Abner, A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, and Fiddler on the Roof. LOVE IT! If I hadn't been asked to volunteer, I probably would not have gone to the shows. Theatre was outside the realm of my family experience.
I believe those shows influenced me beyond simply opening my eyes to live performance. Each of those shows told stories about different times and different cultures. As I left Venango County and traveled to other cultures, I was more open to experiencing them with an open heart and mind. That is the importance of art and live performance can open hearts and mind in a profound way.
Live performance, whether it's music, dance, or drama, creates a unique energy especially when the performer and the audience truly connect. As we struggle to save and fund the arts, this is the most difficult thing to quantify, yet it's the most important benefit that art provides - an uplifting energy the connects people. Our differences melt away. There's no experience like it and it cannot be recorded or reproduced. It happens uniquely in that time and place.
That is what makes the Barrow Civic Theatre and performance spaces like it, so important. They are uplifting. They connect people in a unique way. They open hearts and minds.

Mail Order Guitar

2009-08-20T20:44:00.000-04:00

There are probably a lot of things you shouldn't buy mail order. I'll leave that to your imagination. Today, I got a mail order guitar. And it has brought back memories. My first guitar - a Kay electric - under the tree. Very exiting Christmas. I was about 12, I think. Then I somehow got a little F hole acoustic soon after. Played that past the neck bowing till my fingers hurt to play it.
Then, my biggest purchase. I was in the Air Force, stationed in Greenland and had a Jumbo Yamaha shipped to me there. LOVED that guitar. Carried it to Spain and back - all across the US and back. That mail order guitar suited me fine and served me well. Sold it thinking I needed something better. And the next guitar was a nice one - is a nice one - my nephew has it now. And I've been playing it a lot lately. Oddly, it just didn't feel the same to me any more.
So, I got a bug to mail order a guitar - like I did way back when. Now, back then, I knew the exact guitar I wanted. This time, I just picked what I felt I could afford right now. It came today and I've been playing it. It's not the Yamaha. It's not an Oscar Schmit or a Guild or a Martin. But playing it just now - it suits me fine.
I knew it when I found myself playing a little bluesy rift I've done off and on for years but have never found words to give it. I didn't find words yet, but suddenly little parts of the rift I long forgot to add came out. I was playing what I felt and it felt ok. The little $99 special guitar can stay and I'll keep it in the hard case that looks like it should be holding a $600 guitar.

Garden Update

2009-08-18T22:19:00.000-04:00

As I watch the garden, I note that while much of the cucumber plant is dying, there are ends continuing to survive and even little cucumbers sprouting. In fact, they have grown up around the sunflowers and whatever else they can find to climb. So, I just keep tending and watering them. Maybe I will have a few freeze pickles yet. Maybe the lesson is just don't give up. And I have been reading a lot for planning next year.

My tomatoes plants grew huge. Much larger than I ever had before and certainly didn't expect. So, they overshadowed the pepper plants. And they are not so happy. But, it looks like I will have lots of tomatoes - probably enough to can some.

I am seeing signs of a full 8 ears of corn - some will be blue from Arizona - don't know which yet. And my second planting of green beans are now about to produce. I never plant enough of those. I eat them raw fast as they grow. Perhaps that will be my goal next time - plant more!!!

Soon I will have an eggplant and more are promised. All in all, things are too close together and there are far too many weeds. It's a pitiful garden but it pleases me to have tried.

It's not a total failure and next year - next year - it will be more productive.

The morale of the story is - do nothing and you will get nothing. Do something without fully planning and researching and you will get something - but not what could have been.

Dying on the vine

2009-08-14T21:07:00.001-04:00

My cucumbers are dying. Such a sad sight

. I've been watching the blooms - watching the growing cucumbers - anticipating. And slowly, they are dying. I saw little predators and odd signs along the way and tried to stop it. But alas, I am not a master gardener. I planted seeds. I mulched. I weeded. And at the start, it all looked wonderful. And then, the bugs showed.

Tonight, sadly, I read about the cucumber beetles. Insidious little creatures - the very ones I spotted and tried to thwart. But, by the time you see the signs of damage, it is too late to save the plants. The damage has been done. It's all about prevention. Prevent them to doing their terrible damage ahead of time - when you plant the seeds and seedlings.

And now I am concerned about how broadly the damage will spread. It could affect other plants in the garden. I do not like chemical solutions to such things. I see that some careful planting of other seeds could have prevented this disease. Ultimately, the cucumber bug spreads disease and you simply cannot let it in the garden at all. You have to block it's ever entering in the first place. Once it's in, the damage is done and cannot be undone.

I sigh. Such hope of freezer pickles - now all dashed. Can the tomatoes, peppers, corn be saved? It appears to be all right. But the cucumbers looked wonderful not so long ago.

All because of an innocent looking beetle? Geeze! And all it wanted to do was eat. But while it was eating, it was spreading disease that killed a whole bunch of stuff.

Is there a life lesson here?

Amazingly Predictable

2009-08-11T21:22:00.000-04:00

My friend Dennis teases me as he sees me hang up the phone day after day and just shake my head. He says I'm going to be in a constant head shaking motion after a while. And I have to love the laughter it brings.

There is an amazing predictability to things that becomes almost hilarious. Odd dramas play out with this strange thing - like watching a movie and anticipating the next scene. I guess I am amazed that even the irrational and unreasonable is totally predictable. It's scripted. Watch the character's in the movie carefully and it's obvious what they will do next.

So, what happens in the end. Do irrational and unreasonable characters have the ability to predict? It would seem, in a right world, that rational and reasonable will prevail.

Meanwhile, we should all laugh as much as possible and be care not to shake our heads permanently.

If you have nothing to say...

2009-08-10T19:54:00.000-04:00

I love writing. I think it's because you have time to choose your words more carefully. I like to rehearse speeches or difficult conversations. And one of my favorite sayings is "If you have nothing to say, never say it out loud."

I like to speak positive things about others and the world around me. I prefer diplomacy over battle. I would rather walk away than fight. I'd rather focus on logic than emotion. And while I am more likely to find something in the back of the cupboard than right before my eyes, I like to look for plain and simple solutions to problems.

I am a quiet person. I hold emotion somewhat close but wear my heart on my sleeve. I am an idealist and believe that good overcomes evil. I further believe that good is the natural state of being and that evil is counter to the natural state of energy - the natural state of any human being.

I would like to believe that we all simply make mistakes and take a wrong turn but it's not the core of our being. I would like to believe that. But the jails are filled with people who insist that they did nothing wrong - despite all the evidence otherwise that convicted them. Their probation officer broke their probation. The police were out to get them. No one told them they couldn't do whatever it was. Their childhood was horrible. A terrible person turned them in. On and On and On without once accepting that they really should not have done whatever they did.

People can be so very convincing and so very human. I recently watched the movie Copote and am haunted by the relationship that developed between murderer Perry Smith and Copote. Copote was haunted by Perry Smith and it was very destructive to Copote. He discovered a very human, very ordinary person behind the murderous Perry Smith that reminded him of his own life story. Much as Copote may have wanted something other, that ordinary and human Smith, could not overpower what Perry Smith did. In the end, Perry Smith was held accountable for his deeds. Society was protected from the possibility that he would murder again. Copote was forever changed by the experience.

The morale of the story - something I have to say - as human, as convincing, as understandable, as a story may be - we do have to account for what we have done. If we choose to protect the wrongdoing based on that convincing, human, understanding part of ourselves - despite all the evidence - buy into that person's insistence of the need for pardon or placing blame elsewhere - it will ultimately be ourselves to suffer the pain of the conflict. Ultimately, others will suffer at the hands of that one - that one - protected from accountability. The balance of justice will have shifted to allow evil over good. That cannot be.

Sorting through the maze of life dramas

2009-08-06T22:36:00.000-04:00

All relationships have some form of drama. And it's human nature to have some form of emotional reaction to that drama. That's life. That's human.

As we face conflicts with our friends, family, co-workers, and partners that emotional reaction is stronger. We find ourselves "taking sides" - forced to choose one person or the other's version of the drama. The greater the emotional reaction by any party, the greater the drama. And the closer to the situation, the greater the emotional reaction.

In my own dramas I'd like you to believe I am always right. But I am not immune to emotional reaction either. In these trying times, I most value those people I call my "board of directors". These are the people who know me pretty well - warts and all. I trust them to tell me honestly what they see. And, while it may be quite difficult, I value those who will cut to the chase and say they see some flaws in my thinking. Or push me to do things that I am not necessarily comfortable doing because it is hard for me.

If you are truly my friend - on my "board of directors" - don't simply take my side. Tell me the truth. Seek truth for yourself. Be true to yourself. If truth is our common ground, we will never go wrong. And, in my mind, best of all, our bond will never be broken.

Context is everything

2009-08-05T22:26:00.000-04:00

There is a special culture in small towns. It's about context and can drive outsider's or newcomer's crazy. It drives natives crazy as well. One of my favorite aunts used to say "Somebody farts around here and everybody knows about it."

The web of connections here in my home area - Venango County, PA - is very intricate and runs quite deep. For example, much to my surprise, when I closed on my house in Franklin in 2000, I discovered it had been owned and originally built by one of my relatives in 1905. M.R. and Freda Henderson - Catherine Lamberton's parents. M.R. was Justice of the Peace in Franklin and an early ham radio enthusiast.

My mother's parents, Leah and Howard Hawkins, moved from Indiana PA to Oil City's South side in the 20's or early 30's to start a "mom and pop" grocery store. I have a wonderful picture of a string band posing in front of that store. My mother was born in Oil City in 1936. My love of music came from my mother and grandfather.

The Venango County roots on my father's side of the family go back more generations - to Thomas Law - I believe 5 generations back - maybe more. And so, there are many offshoots of that clan - Law, Bennett, Osborne, Gilliland, Corbett, Henderson... and you get the picture. All of which place me in greater context. Someone hears my last name and asks if Bill or Carl - both teachers - are related. And so, I am seen in light of them. Fine light I might add.

When you are young and seeking your own identity, that can be unnerving. Like being compared to your older sibling in school.

But as I am growing older, I am finding great joy in it. I come from a long line of good working class (and a few upper class) people. Honest, hard working, fun loving people. Kind people on both sides of my family who passed many wonderful values on to me. It is a context I hope I will be viewed within. And it is a light I strive to carry.

the path out

2009-07-28T22:06:00.000-04:00

I love stories about one person making a difference. I believe one person can make a difference! It's hard to believe sometimes and I believe it's even harder to actually live it. That's why we are touched by such stories. They are far and few between or maybe they just aren't told enough.

Visit npr.org and hear this one - http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=101091931

A schizophrenic street musician is given new life by a caring man and those he convinces to join in bringing the gift of music back.

How many people walked passed this man for years, and missed this opportunity? How many people would have met and overcome the many challenges faced?

Music is the universal language and can help us all overcome so very much. It reaches our soul.

I've kept a guitar nearby for more than 40 years. When I was stationed in Greenland, my first mission was to purchase a Jumbo Yamaha and had it shipped to me there. Carried that guitar across many miles and several continents. Sold it to buy an Oscar Schmit. Do wish I had kept every guitar I ever had. Even the Kay electric that thrilled me that Christmas way back when. But I have never believed much in having more than I would actually use at any given time. I'm not so big a musician that I need more than one guitar at a time. And I remember how excited the young men were who got the Yamaha and the Oscar Schmit. Instruments are meant to be played and enjoyed. Why have an instrument you do not actually play? That makes no sense at all to me.

And so I am pleased by a story of a talented musician being given a chance - given an instrument worthy of what they can play.

Today I do not have the Yamaha or the Oscar Schmit and await the return of my Martin. Kind friends have ensured I have a guitar to play. And so, Meanwhile, I will play what I have as Mr. Ayers did. I will play because it is my soul. I am not so gifted, but it is my heart and the gift I give to myself.

What would you do?

2009-07-27T19:38:00.000-04:00

There's a show on ABC called "What would you do?" I've caught a few episodes and find it interesting how people react to situations of bigotry, thieving, verbal abuse, etc. Actors set up specific situations just to see how by-standers will respond.

What would you do? We all like to believe we would do the right thing when confronted with an injustice but very often we waiver. It's understandable in some ways. How many times have you been told to mind your own business? And how many times has someone wrongly interfered in your business?

How do we draw those lines? Would you walk past a dog or baby left in a hot car with the windows up? Would you speak up if you saw a cashier giving a blind person the wrong change?

If you witness someone being mistreated, what do you do?

How do we decide when to intercede and when not to intercede?

It really depends on your tolerance for injustice. It goes back to what our parents and grand parents warning us about spending time with the bad crowd. You grow a tolerance for bullshit. You begin to overlook and accept things that you should not. And if it continues, you could wind up doing things that you should not.

My tolerance meter changes a lot by whom I choose to surround me. Hopefully, I will continue to be extremely picky. And, as a result, what I will do in given situations will be very clear.

Believe

2009-07-21T18:53:00.000-04:00

I cannot help but believe in the best in people. Call me naive. Call me Pollyanna. Call me an optimist. I just can't stop believing. I can look at a criminal and see the pain they must have endured that drove them to make outrageous decisions.

I'm over 50 years old - a woman - a lesbian - and I have been kicked in the teeth as much, if not more than anyone - and I still believe. I refuse to be jaded. I refuse to be convinced that anyone is completely beyond hope. I just believe that deep beneath the surface, sometimes deeper than imagined, there is always good. I refuse to believe that anyone or anything is inherently evil. Everyone has the potential for good. Everything has the potential for good. Every terrible thing can be converted somehow.

I do not want to change that belief. It is the core of my hope for the world around me. And I do not want to abandon hope.

But a huge part of that hope is to insist on the best. It is a difficult path. And I have to start with myself, then my closest circle, then my next closest.... First I have to believe it is possible - possible for me - possible for my closest circle - possible for my next....

Believe.

We Invest

2009-07-20T21:49:00.000-04:00

We all invest in the world around us. We do it by the choices we make - the products we buy - the businesses we frequent - the organizations we support. Your choice to buy a carpet from the local independent guy instead of the huge department store may seem small to you, but it's a lifeline for the local independent guy.

Take a moment to think about the local, home grown businesses that are gone now. I'm sad that the local hardware store is gone where I could buy nuts and bolts by the pound. I was sad when the meat market on Liberty Street closed and perhaps that influenced my decision to stick to a more vegetarian diet.

Maybe I didn't support those businesses enough. Maybe I didn't invest enough in their day to day livelihood. And I have lost something as a result.

What do you want to see continue in your neighborhood? Are you investing in that future?

There are day to day stuggles - real challenges facing small businesses every day. Are you investing? And like every investment you make, are you ensuring that you are as informed as you can be?

Once upon a time, a guy told me "choosing to do nothing is a choice". I will take that further - invest nothing and you will get nothing in return. And maybe you will get less than nothing - you will loose a possibility for the future.

It's tough to watch our neighbor's struggle. It's tough to know how far to invest with our local business people and when to speak up when we see challenges. Speak up. Be informed. Invest. It matters. If you are approaching it all with a sincere goal of lifting everyone up, you are on the right track. It is your business - your neighborhood - your community. Invest!

And Justice for All

2009-07-16T18:49:00.000-04:00

One of the greatest things about living in a small town is the low crime rate. There are very few murders or serious violent crimes in comparison to larger communities. Random acts of violence are extremely rare. Our greatest risk of a stray bullet comes during hunting season when most of us know to stay out of the woods.

Our worst neighborhoods in Venango County are no more threatening than an average neighborhood in many cities. This is a safe place to live. Our police departments generally do a very good job of targeting dangerous drug activity, burglary, traffic problems and obvious criminal activity. You can pretty much count on them to respond when you see something suspicious.

About 5 years ago, I was dropping off a U-haul trailer in Franklin in the wee hours of the morning. Within minutes, a Police cruiser pulled in to see what I was doing. They were very polite but it's a good thing I had documentation to support my story that I was dropping the trailer off and not stealing it. I respect that and feel safer in my home knowing they are watching.

But it has come to my attention, Venango County is vulnerable to one category of crime - white collar crime and fraud. Often, these crimes require forensic accounting which is a specialty field all it's own. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forensic_accounting.

According to sources in the DA's office, there are few resources available in Venango County to dedicate to this type of crime and if you follow the court cases in recent years, that rings true. Only a few cases of fraud or related white collar crime have appeared in our court system. Does that mean we don't have white collar crime or that we are ill equipped to handle it? I believe it is the latter.

A ten year old report from the Department of Justice shows that white collar crime is on the rise nationwide. Is Venango County prepared to deal with this issue? (http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/whitecollarforweb.pdf)

When fraud and related white collar crime is brought to the attention of law enforcement and the justice system in Venango County, how is it handled? How do the police determine when and if they will actually investigate? Is it based on who is filing the complaint? Is it based on the dollar amount involved? Is it based on whether or not the person is willing or able to file a civil suit? Is it based on gender, relationship to the defendent or some other criteria? Is it based on resources available to investigate? There must be a criteria - official or unofficial.

The law is the law. What is often in question is enforcement of the law. It's an important question to pose for Venango County. If we want to remain a safe place to live, we need also to be a safe place to do business - as a consumer and as a business or service provider.

It is an important side of our legal system that has to be addressed.

Meanwhile, the best option is prevention. Pennsylvania offers a great resource to check the court related history of people within PA. http://ujsportal.pacourts.us/docketsheets/mdj.aspx

You can check by participant name and county. Information is limited but with a docket number, you can then go to the local court house and obtain more public information.

Another valuable link is http://www.co.venango.pa.us/Home/Index.htm

When it comes to fraud, don't get caught up in the legal system. Don't make big decisions without a lot of research. The wheels of Justice turn very slowly and may not be readily available in some cases. Especially if you don't have great determination and strength.

How do you stop a liar?

2009-07-12T22:38:00.000-04:00

Someone asked me tonight, "How do you stop a liar?" So, I googled the question. Isn't the internet fun?

I found these comments interesting. There is a difference between Pathological and Chronic liars. I landed on the pathological in regards to this question as well as the quote just below.

"Liars lie because they can lie. Over time they become experts in lying. Their success today depend on their ability to lie.
They have become dependent on this habit. Lying gives them a feeling of control in a situation they cannot control. Notice the word "feel". In other words, they assume they cannot control the situation if they don't lie." www.searchwarp.com/swa53901.htm

"Pathological Liar

A pathological liar is usually defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others. Pathological lying is often viewed as coping mechanism developed in early childhood and it is often associated with some other type of mental health disorder. A pathological liar is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way). Pathological liars have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others. A pathological liar often comes across as being manipulative, cunning and self-centered." http://tiny.cc/ZyYJ8

So, the question was "How do you stop a liar?" I found two answers. 1) Call them on the lie. But you know they will just seek a new audience.

2) Stop listening to them. And that one seems the best. Notice in both quotes above that the goal is to obtain an outcome - control a situation. There is a focus and a desire to achieve a specific thing - a need to control a specific situation. Refusing to even listen to the lie gives the liar no power - no control.

A friend sent me a book recently, "The Truth about Lying". It covers the full spectrum from white lies to how we may make it difficult for others to tell us the truth to those who make lying a way of life.

We all mislead people sometimes. Telling someone we like their new haircut when we really don't or that they look thinner than we really think or that we like their outfit when we really don't. Or we don't tell them about our own shortcomings in a job interview.

So what is the cutoff point with lying or "misleading"? And when do you determine that a person is just simply a liar and should no longer be given an audience?

Perhaps it is in the fallout of the lie. Who is going to be hurt? Who is going to benefit? How great is that benefit? How large is the fallout? And finally, how often is what this person says a LIE?

How many secrets do you keep? Underground

2009-07-10T22:50:00.000-04:00

How many secrets do you have? That may seem like an odd question to those who maintain a simple life. In disfunctional worlds, there are lots of secrets.

Gay people keeping "beards" and pretending to be straight. Black people "passing" as white. Married people passing as faithful. Business people passing as honest. How many secrets???

As we look at all the dramas of the world, it usually comes down to this. How many secrets?

Are you leading person A to believe something different than person B and working to keep person A and B from talking directly? Are you trying to hid information from everyone?

How about just being transparent? If you are ever in a position to try to determine truth, don't go to person C to find out what A and B meant or did. Go to A and B.

In a disfunctional world, there will always be strange triangles of information. That disfunctional person will go to great lengths to keep you from going straight to the source. Go to the source folks!! And if someone acts like it's a big secret or emotional drama, be suspicious.

Under the Surface

2009-07-07T22:03:00.000-04:00

There is so much that goes on beneath the surface of our lives. It can be shocking sometimes as we get to know one another, muddle through the struggles of our own lives, and strive for better relationships with long term family and friends. We surprise one another, disappoint one another, fail one another and champion one another. We make assumptions along the way - sometimes correct and sometimes quite flawed.

I've been reminded a lot lately that it's what is below the surface that lies closer to the truth. If the water is too muddy to see below, don't trust what you see in the water's reflection. You are only seeing what someone wants you to see or what you want to see.

I was surprised three times this week with truth below the surface. People with whom I have a long history and believed to be one thing actually demonstrated an amazing inner strength I didn't know they possessed - attitudes and values I thought were quite the opposite. I didn't expect them to be ones standing beside me but they were without my even knowing. Those represent two of the three surprises.

The third was perhaps not as much a surprise as a realization that there are people who seem to have stopped trying to sort right from wrong and have simply entered an intellectual zone of winning and losing. They have numbed their spirit to a point that feelings, conscience, and empathy are gone. Oddly they seem most motivated by drama and crisis but actually they operate in their heads with a single goal of overpowering. These are the religious fanatics, the pathological liars, the criminals and the addiction ridden people of our lives. They are absolutely certain that they are right - the world is wrong - and we need to leave them alone to dominate the situations we may share. Contradict them and you are THE problem.

Look under the water's surface. What you find there is much closer to the truth than what meets the eye in the water's reflection.

Dreams can be funny

2009-07-03T09:10:00.000-04:00

I'm very curious about dreams. I find it most curious that we could be surprised by something in our own dream. If our own minds are creating them, how could we not know what is going to happen next? Where do dreams come from?

Last night I had a pretty funny one. A really big blackbear kept following us everywhere. I can't tell you specifically who "us" was but I know it was a small group of people. The bear wasn't particularly frightening, except to on-lookers who were disturbed to see a bear so out of place. And we were getting a bit annoyed with him.

Finally, I decided he was just lonely and needed something to do. So, I dressed him up in a bear outfit and set him up to lecture about what bears like to do. Suddenly he was a talking bear and everyone loved him. It was a big hit and he was too busy to bother us any more.

During my dream the entire situation was very serious and plausible. But when I woke up, I thought it was one of the funniest dreams I've ever had.

Reading about the symbolism of bears in dreams didn't really shed any light on my dream bear.

Maybe it's the beginning of a good kids story.

Balance

2009-07-02T18:04:00.000-04:00

A few weeks ago an old college friend went kayaking with me and later emailed asking, "Are you always so quiet when you go kayaking?" Not so long ago my brother came for dinner and soon remarked "It's too quiet here". My Molly Mutt sits on the front porch with me and a neighbor commented, "she hardly ever barks."

I really do enjoy quiet a lot. It can be wonderful to just be still and take in what is happening around you. Our time on the front porch is a special time for Molly Mutt. Her ears are perked up. She sits at the top of the steps and just watches everything. She sees the birds, the cars driving by, the people and their dogs and she just watches. Now and again she'll do a subtle little buff - usually at a person without a dog, as if to ask where their friend has gone. Or A little "hey - look at me".

But we both can get our fill of quiet. Neighbors tell me she sometimes howls the saddest crying sound when I am gone. I have my own ways of howling when I've had enough of being alone. But I can make phone calls and drive. Molly Mutt hasn't mastered either of those yet.

It's all about balance, I think. I'm suspicious of anyone who cannot stand silence and being alone. But I'm equally suspicious of anyone who only wants silence and being alone.

We need to be somewhat self contained and somewhat social. Keeping a good balance is important.

We're all cousins after all

2009-06-28T21:10:00.002-04:00

One good thing about living half a century and counting, is that you get to see life take huge circles. Astonishing twists and turns across mountains and around the world can wind up right back to the place you started. But when you find yourself back in that place, you see things you never saw before.

In just a few days - a house full of people - word from old friends - a family reunion on multiple levels - a dear friend's loss. So many energies seemed to converge at once. For the first time in what seems like many days, my house is silent again and I have a moment to take it all in.

I have so many families. There is the family of friends whom I have chosen and who have chosen me. There is the family that I was born into with whom I share the longest memories and genetic history. There is the family created by my father's second marriage when I was very young. All these families are precious to me.

I view my neighborhood and larger community as family. And these past days, sharing so much time with the closer family has given me some interesting perspective about the larger family context.

I have been estranged through the years from my genetic family. There were things I thought I could never forgive and there were things they thought they never could. But I wound up at family reunions again and found that we are really not so very far apart at all. Our history together - those camping trips and holidays - the shared losses and shared successes - brings a larger context that overshadows any differences we may have. We find a way to honor our connections.

In our neighborhoods and our larger community we need to do the same. It's our common ground and our interconnected experiences that matter most. If we can find a way to honor those, we can find a way to be family.

Company's Coming

2009-06-20T21:51:00.000-04:00

Living in a hundred plus year old house has many challenges. It's big. It's old. And I haven't been around as much in the last few years so things need a lot of attention. It doesn't help that I am that person you may have read about the goes into one room to do something, then sees something that belongs in another room, then gets to that room and sees something that needs done, then gets a phone call which leads to something else and on it goes all day long. At the end of the day I have been very, very busy but not one full thing got accomplished.

Well, now company is coming. While I don't particularly like clutter, I can easily overlook it. But it matters a lot to me that guests not feel uncomfortable, so I am motivated to shape up. One important agenda item was to clear the boxes that got shoved into the library in disarray and create an extra guest room. I'm pleased to report that within hours - actually forcing myself to stay on task - a guest room is formed. AND just a few adjustments and the second guest room will also be ready. The third and most important one needs to be ready by Thursday.

I'm really happy that company is coming over the next few months. For those of you who are natural homemakers it may seem odd but I'm finding a new pattern of thought for me. It is one of functionality - how to use the space to work more naturally for me as well as comfortable for those who may wish to share it. There's great creativity in that.

Next, I think I need to keep company coming so I'm motivated to keep honing those creative skills.

A reason for everything

2009-06-17T20:51:00.000-04:00

A dear woman I once knew would often say, "Everything happens for a reason". Her daughter repeated those words to me once when I was least receptive to it. I had walked out to my beat up van to go to work. It was a difficult time. After many years of media experience and education behind me, I was only finding part time work in my field. Ready to go to that job, I found a flat tire on the old van. I kicked the tire, walked back in the house and fought tears.

"Everything happens for a reason," she said. I had just enough time to express my true thoughts, when the phone rang. It was an offer for the job I was hoping to find.

Often things just don't happen as quickly as we believe they should and not in the way we believe they should. Then once we get to the other side, we see an amazing series of events that came together to create this new thing. The difficult parts created appreciation. The things we believed were side paths actually brought some important understanding that we needed in order to obtain a better outcome now. Of course, there are other paths we take that we can clearly see kept us from obtaining our objectives sooner.

Generally, I believe it's the times I try to force an outcome that turn out to be source of mistakes. There's much to be said for taking a slower pace and seeking patience. But it is all a balance. The turtle only wins the race if he keeps moving forward.

Genuine

2009-06-12T20:01:00.000-04:00

Tonight the phone has been ringing off the hook. One of my favorite young friends with questions. One of my best friends with chat. My Dad and step-mother with plans for an upcoming visit - which must include golf, I'm told. Text messages from my brother and sister about plans for the weekend. And a call from an old college friend with whom I'm recently reconnected. She and her son will join us to kayak on Sunday. Then on line facebook and twitter messages.

What I love is that all these people are genuinely connecting to do fun things. There is life out there. There is life right here.

I'm ready for laughter. I'm ready for genuine spirits seeking the best the things in life.

Have I said "genuine" enough?

1. Actually possessing the alleged or apparent attribute or character: genuine leather.

2. Not spurious or counterfeit; authentic. See Synonyms at authentic.

a. Honestly felt or experienced: genuine devotion.

b. Actual; real: a genuine dilemma.

4. Free from hypocrisy or dishonesty; sincere.

5. Being of pure or original stock: a genuine Hawaiian.

Ok, we all have some agenda. But, you know what? Some have much more agenda than others. Let's have some good, old fashioned connections. Honest - actual - real - free from hypocrisy or dishonesty. That's not so hard. Certainly not for good hearted people.

No rain - no rainbows

2009-06-11T18:07:00.000-04:00

It's raining - a good soaking rain. Most of us grumble about it. Today I'm happy because it'll help my garden grow. And I love the saying "No rain, no rainbows".

Most of us go through rainy times in our lives. Sometimes we experience outright storms. We are impatient to get through them. They are troublesome and seem to keep us from what we'd rather be experiencing but it's part of life. There will be storms. Hopefully fewer as we learn not to call them on. But there will be storms.

When I was young I liked running out in the middle of the pouring summer rain - even with thunder and lightning. Maybe one day this summer I should do that for the fun of it. But more and more, I look for a calm spot to patiently wait it out. I'm the one you'll see pull my car to the side of the road when the blinding rain is too much for the windshield wipers.

I'll wait out the storm and look for the rainbow on the other side. I'll search the garden later with expectation of spouting seeds.

And so it is that I remind myself to value to the rain and storms of life. There will be rainbows. Keep planting to seeds between the rains with expectation of sprouts and a harvest.