Hello Darkness

Working underground collecting video for years, I learned what dark really is. Some trips were a long way from the surface and if artificial lights weren't on, it felt intimidating. The local mine training including “learning the ropes” which were on the side so we would know which direction was toward the surface and which was back deeper in the mine. While underground, I always knew someone was leading the way and someone was watching my back. Each experience ended with a feeling of joy and gratitude when we reached the surface.

Years ago I took my dogs Scooter and Molly to one of our local trails and old railroad tunnel with a curve. At the curve, we could not see the light of the entrance or where we were headed. I had no flashlight. This was before cell phones were so smart. I was sure we did not need to go far before we would see light ahead of us. I had been there before but they had not. Scooter froze and would not budge. Molly leaned into me assuring me she would go wherever I went.

I looked ahead and looked back. Light was closer behind but I really wanted to go forward as our walk had just begun. Scooter wasn't sure about either direction no matter how I tried encouraging him. He was less trusting about what may lie ahead. Molly believed in me and would have continued. They waited for my decision. We had no one ahead of us leading the way and no one behind us watching our back. I was their guide as we stood side by side.

We turned back. This adventure could be done another day when I could shine a light to lead the way.We all make choices in our lives. In darkness we are forced to make a choice. We cannot stay there long without some anxiety. Be the light or watch for the light in the direction you choose. It's not so far away. Darkness is not an enemy. It is a friend forcing us to choose. We learn much in the process. Fear not.

 

Things I celebrate now!

There are so many things I can do now that I could not do 8 months ago. The dermatomyositis that landed me in the hospital had done a lot of damage - at that time it was major rashes all over my body and extreme muscle weakness. We didn't know then what was causing me all this trouble.

I am a lucky one. UPMC Pittsburgh is on the leading edge of this rare disease. Doctors at the Faulk Clinic in Pittsburgh just got FDA approval for the treatment of dermatomyositis with IVIG infusions. The first treatment approved since identifying the disease in the '70s. Why so long? It was difficult to have enough people to do a good study. I started IVIG the end of September.

With just 4 infusions, there are many things I can do now that I could not 6 or 8 months ago or at points along the way. On difficult days, focusing on what I CAN now do has been really important.

Here's a list:

    Swallow without food getting stuck

    Lift a half gallon of milk

    Dress myself

    Get out of bed without assistance

    Cook meals

    Do light cleaning

    Drive

    Shower without assistance

    Do a few stairs

    Walk short distances without a walker

    Concentrate on mind tasks for longer periods of time

    Hold a book to read (I have enjoyed audible!)

    Spend a little time outside without skin turning red

    Play with the dogs

    Groom the dogs

    Open child proof things and safety food lids

    Laugh out loud - (because I quit smoking)

I'm sure there are other things too but these are the ones that come to mind today. I am so thankful for the encouragement and understanding of a whole community of people who have helped me during this year. They brought food, came to help daily or stay for a while, did cleaning, called to check, held down the fort (music store), brought books and music, pointed me toward positive audible books and podcasts, kept me laughing.... This is my year of celebration and I look forward to sharing these days with YOU!

The Divine in all things...

God is the connection of all things and all things are connected. That is the heart and soul of my spiritual belief. This means everything and everyone is part of the divine so we should see the divine in everything and everyone.

Seeing the divine (God) in everything and everyone can be very difficult. That mosquito that just bit you isn't likely to make you feel like you just had a divine visit. And the guy driving alongside flipping you the bird in some odd fit of road rage doesn't look divine. The conflicts in our lives don't feel divine.

I truly believe all things are spiritual. My soul seeks peace, love and joy. While I cannot stop the mosquito from biting, the road rage guy, the conflicts that may arise, I can change my reaction to them. If I want to act in love and to experience joy, I must first find peace within.

The one thing I constantly ask is; does this connect and bring peace or does this cause destruction and separation? One is of God and one is not. This is a tough one because sometimes to bring peace, you need to separate but you do not need to cause destruction. 

Inflicting pain out of fear is the opposite of love. It will not bring peace. It can't. The opposite of love is not hate it is fear. Those who bully and are demanding are fearful. They need control to feel safe. It's hard to guess if they will ever have enough control to feel safe so that poses a challenge for those around them. If you want peace, it won't happen with this person. They need control to ease their fears and will do whatever they need to do to feel safe.

So what do we do with that and remain true to our spirit and beliefs? As Jesus said, we shake the dust from our shoes. We distance but we don't destroy. We act as much as possible in peace and love. We fear not. That's not easy. But reacting out of our own fear is not peaceful or loving. So, stop and seek instruction from the divine.

I'm not sure what I am going to do about the mosquito that bites me. It's a big stretch to see the divine there and not swat it. Gotta think on that one. 

My Cuddle Bug

Through the years I've loved many fur paws and held them as they passed over that rainbow. There were rescued mutts, german shepherds, rottweiler mix, a tiny poodle mix, and now a sheltie and golden retriever. The cats were mostly grey ones except my Simba - a yellow boy with a golden heart. Today it's Tommy, another grey kitty.

As a youngster, I wanted a german shepherd in the worst kind of way. I think it was Rin Tin Tin from the famous TV show that captured me. Someone got me a big overstuffed german shepherd pillow that I cuddled with and dreamed of my first dog. Soon I was gifted a big german shepherd I called Laddy. But it was short lived. My dad said he got loose and ran away. Years later I learned he had killed all the neighbors chickens and could not stay.

There were so many sweet friends who deserve their own stories but I never had a bigger cuddle bug than this Golden Angel. She fills my days with humor and is a great companion. Sure glad she came into my life.

Truth - Ways of Knowing

Listening to and reading a wide variety of books and teachings has led me to the conclusion that truth is known in many ways. There are different ways of knowing but truth is truth. 

My spiritual journey is so very fun. Opening to the universe (God if you like) brings all kinds of teachings of enlightenment. Everything is spiritual. The way we work. The way we cook and eat. The way we interact. What we buy. How we think. How we act in every way. Everything is spiritual.

Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer is full of teaching of the natural world and our relationship to it. She often talks about "different ways of knowing" as she is native American and also a professor of botany. Interacting with the scientific community, she found herself educating them about a different way of knowing.

I've listened to youtube speakers about a variety of ways: teachings of RA, the law of attraction, Buddhist teachings, The Power of Now. All have common truths.

My favorite is the Tao of Pooh! For fun, months ago I began listening to Winnie the Pooh books on YouTube and loved them. Laughed and laughed and believe adults get more from them than children. Then up popped the Tao of Pooh.

This book (on YouTube video as an audio book)  is a beginners introduction to the Tao through the eyes of Pooh and friends. Having just listened to the old books, and having an interest in the Tao, this was very fun. When in China, I visited a Taoist temple and found it fascinating.

While I have leaned heavily Buddhist (my sister say Buddhao-Christian), I'm finding the Tao may be closer to my core beliefs. 

Ultimately, truth is truth. There is just one source of truth. There are simply different teachers who have different ways of knowing. If we are truly seeking the light and it is connecting us to our source (the Creator), it is simply truth no matter where it is revealed. And we will know it. Truth connects and heals. False truth divides and destroys. The way is PEACE and LOVE.

So, may the light of truth be with you. Honor how you know it is.

Finding Truth

We cannot discover truth by looking "out there" and speculating.  We discover truth when we quiet the mind, body and spirit and LISTEN. Truth comes from the creator who is the source of truth.

We discover truth in peace and love. The creator is the source of peace and love. This is the source of all power. Once we discover this truth, from the creator, we become creators of peace and love AND the fruit is joy.

It isn't always easy because those around you will point in other directions and want you to follow down their rabbit hole. They may dodge and weave and kick up dust trying to take you off course while clouding your vision. 

Do not despair. Stop. Return to your source of truth. Quiet the mind, body and spirit. Listen. Allow the creator to cover you in grace and provide the shield of peace and love. Joy will follow. As you practice and distance from the ways of this world, you will grow stronger. 

The seekers of truth around you will then see too. Not out of speculation, but of revelation that can only come from the source of creation. The same source from which you create JOY.

Truth is an inside job.

An Altar of Love

 

Symbols

Symbols are important. This represents my spiritual symbols to help my body, mind and spirit focus and heal. On the mantel are personal reminders of connections to the past and present that will carry me into the future. 

An angel reminds me that someone is watching over me and the picture at the other end is one of those angels. The storm lantern reminds me that those angels have lit a path for me and do still. The little lamp is unlit, ready for service when needed. These storms will be smaller. 

The Aladdin's lamp represents the magic of life and granting of miracles. People of miraculous! Life is full of miracles. That is why that lantern burns too.

The candles are my prayers. They are carried through those above and remind me of the connection to all that was - all that is - and all that will be.

These are my altar. I light the candles with love for you and for me.