A Friend In Deed!

My Molly is a special friend! I've had a few with the same smarts and heart. But I must say, Molly tops the list.
It's often opportunity that shows great character and great heart. In her quiet way, she has found them. She just does what she does.
Last night she woke Holly at 2am to let her know pipes had sprung a leak and she needed to get up. She was persistent and would not listen when told to lay down - which normally she would obediently do. Our Mutt paw girl, said "NO, get up."
I cannot explain what sets one dog apart from another - why some seem to understand when something is amiss and others don't. There are thinking dogs. I've known a few. Molly is definately a thinking dog.
Her awareness is beyond broken pipes. Last spring a friend brought a little dog to me that he said needed a home. Little Sheltie, Tobey - 6 months old - was terribly afraid of everything and everyone. The instant he met Molly, he loved her. Everyone who knew Tobey was amazed. Molly is twice his size but treats him with such loving care. Tobey follows and watches everything she does. Slowly, he is learning from her that the world is not so terribly scary.
I wish Molly could tell us her story. The part I don't know. I think it contributes to why she is so special. She had to overcome some things. I believe she knows and remembers that.
The anniversary of our meeting is February 18 - 5 years ago. I had just lost a dog, Shadow (the mirror image of Molly). My other dog, Scooter, was failing. The vet said he was just aging and his days were numbered. I felt certain that it was grief. So, I began searching the Humane Society pages for a possible friend. My own grief over loosing Shadow left me wondering if I wanted to try another but Scooter....
The Venango County website featured a 9 month old, sheppard/lab mix they called "Shimmer" - not because of her beautiful coat but because of her "shimmering" personality.
So, on a snowy Saturday, I called to ask if I could bring Scooter to meet Shimmer. They seemed to hit it off and I brought Shimmer home. Soon I had my sister, Laurie, on the phone and we began testing names. When I said "Molly", my mutt pawed girl perked her ears. We had Molly.
I was off work the next week with our new friend. Scooter perked up and was quickly back to his old self. Molly was a perfect angel. She was house broken. She knew basic commands. I knew someone had really loved this girl and was totally amazed with the perfect fit.
I went back to work. WEEEELLLLLL, the next 6 months or so - Molly became the menace. She destroyed things. She ran away from home at every opportunity. She was not a happy camper. Worst - she suddenly showed a fear of children. It was pet therapy time!
It took a village to turn Molly around. The trainer told me Molly needed a crate. I had never used a crate and was reluctant. But one day she destroyed Laurie's Victoria Secret purchase and I had orders not to return home without a crate!!! As we were setting the crate up, Molly climbed into it. She needed a safe place.
The trainer said she believed Molly was running away because she was looking for someone like her previous owner - probably a man. I thought that odd, until I was walking Molly and we were in a parking lot where there was an 18 Wheeler parked. She ran right up to it and wanted to get in. I believe she was a truck driver's dog.
My nephews Dave and Ben spent time with her. Then Dave moved in with me. Molly stopped running away.
The neighbor children started spending time with her, bringing her treats and she became less fearful of children.
Molly and I attended agility training together and built a stronger bond.
I don't know what happened to her in those nine months before she met me. I believe whoever had her, loved her very much. I wonder if it was a trucker passing through who never meant to loose her and that she loved very much and never meant to loose. In any case, it took her some time to overcome whatever it was. I'm just thankful that she found a connection with me. And I am thankful for those who help me bring this girl around. Now Miss Molly Mutt Paws is passing it on.
She is a friend in Deed!

Collaboration

The best thing in the world is to find like minded spirits to collaborate with; work, volunteer, or social. You know it's right when everyone involved is lifted up. The power of two... The power of more pulling in the same direction. Energy grows and some brand new energy evolves that none would have ever discovered on their own.
At work it's great to be surrounded by people whom you feel are more talented but act like you are the more talented one. In Volunteering we seek those opportunities that are leading us all in a shared direction of better community. Socially, we want to be surrounded by people who just make us feel happy and worthwhile.
As I think about the collaborations developing in my life today, I am feeling so blessed to have found all those listed above. I'm saddened as I think about the bad collaborations. The individuals I think of drain the life out of others. In bad collaborations, one party is drained - financially, emotionally, socially - and there really is no lift. One plus One should actually equal more than two. In a good collaboration, it does. In a bad collaboration, one is trying to lift the other toward equaling two. But what actually happens is that the one trying to fill the void becomes less than they would be if they were acting alone. One plus one equals less than one. Very bad. One is a vampire - taking life and energy away.
As I write this I see someone I once considered a friend. I watch as she is drained - financially, emotionally and socially. I have been there - collaborating with one who drains the life out of you.
We make choices. Choose carefully those around you. Be a lifter. Realize that those who are not, will likely never be, no matter how much you invest in them.
I am so happy to have learned that my the dearest of my collaborators today! 2011 is going to be a VERY good year.

Mythomaniacs

"Some myths describe some actual historical event, but have been embellished and refashioned by various story tellers over time so that it is impossible to tell what really happened." Encyclopedia Mythica.
A mythomaniac is someone who embellishes and refashions actual events consistently about most every aspect of their life, even seemingly trivial events. There's a level of emotional charge that becomes easy to spot as the embellishing and refashioning happens. It's as if the mythomaniac has learned that making the statements bolder with great enthusiasm ensures that the listener will believe it without checking the facts.
The mythomaniac will exaggerate his or her education, accomplishments, skills, value of possessions, community contributions and relationships. They are huge when they need to be huge. They are small when they need to be small. Those who have known the mythomaniac over time, know it's important to use caution in buying into any story the person tells. If the mythomaniac is aware of that, it doesn't always show. But they will try to isolate anyone who may expose myths. And they will be very nasty in creating myths in attempt to ensure that isolation takes hold.
Decent and polite people have a difficult time dealing with a mythomaniac. It's hard to believe someone would create total fictions and when there are seeds of truth within, it's not easy to sort out. It takes energy. It wastes energy. So, the mythomaniac goes on without confrontation.
Synonyms for mythomaniac would be con artist, pathological liar.
Do you have a mythomaniac in your life? I hope not because I know how difficult they can be to deal with. But know this - they cannot keep track of all the myths they tell. Time exposes them.

Do Tell

Today, the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy for the military was repealed. We will no longer require that people who want to serve need to lie.
I lied. I am an Air Force Veteran and lied so I could serve. And when my Top Secret security clearance was awarded, my superior asked how I felt about homosexuals in the military having a top secret security clearance. I answered, "There are not supposed to be homosexuals in the military." He expressed concern that if there was, and if they had a clearance, they could be blackmailed.
Today, the threat of blackmail was removed.
I served honorably and was never the focus of a blackmail situation. It would have been devastating to me if my service was cut short. I would have chosen to protect my country first. The Air Force changed my life. It gave me discipline and courage. It launched me on my career path.
Repealing "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" was the right thing to do. Now we need to repeal the "Don't ask, Don't Tell" attitude from our national attitude. Be. Do. Contribute. More important than telling is showing who you really are.

Stopping a Bully Movement

How did Hitler and the Nazi's build a movement that allowed millions of people to be killed and detained in concentration camps? Why didn't people stand up to stop it?
One country did! As the Nazi's moved into Denmark, one young man started a movement to stop a bully movement. One young man!!! He was 17.
PBS ran the Documentary "A Force More Powerful" 10 years ago. You can read more on http://www.aforcemorepowerful.org/films/afmp/stories/denmark.php. Below is an except from that site describing what Arne Sejr did.

"Ten Commandments for Danes

Arne Sejr was seventeen when the Germans invaded. On the first day of the occupation, he noticed that people in his small town were friendly to the German soldiers, and he was outraged. He went home and typed up twenty-five copies of a list of "commandments" to his fellow Danes:

1. You must not go to work in Germany and Norway. 2. You shall do a bad job for the Germans. 3. You shall work slowly for the Germans. 4. You shall destroy important machines and tools. 5. You shall destroy everything that may be of benefit to the Germans. 6. You shall delay all transport. 7. You shall boycott German and Italian films and papers. 8. You must not shop at Nazis' stores. 9. You shall treat traitors for what they are worth. 10. You shall protect anyone chased by the Germans. Join the Struggle for the freedom of Denmark!

Sejr then stuffed his list into the mailboxes of the most prominent people in his town. The commandments were later recopied and passed from hand to hand to people all over the country."

Please study your history! As the Nazi's gained momentum, much of the world was in a deep economic slump. Excellent communicators built a base of hatred and fear. Good and decent people stood by as those feared populations were rounded up and taken away. It wasn't only the Jews.

Fear can take over. Our own McCarthy era is a prime example. A threat of communism became a huge fear. Thousands of people were branded and blacklisted. If citizens like Edwin R. Morrow had not stood up and spoken up, a mob mentality could have prevailed.

We have that same threat today. As I hear the rhetoric of the Tea Party movement, I see that same mentality. Outrageous claims based on strange rationale and fears, threatens to sweep this country. Good and decent people - don't stand by!!! Hatred and fear is not our final solution. Think! Act! Speak! Don't stand idly by as the bully's work to round up those who have nothing to do the actual issues at hand. THINK!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

In the course of a day, how often do we hear "my wife" or "my husband"? If you are married, how often do you say it?
Are those not terms to indicate to whom one is bonded? In a recent training I attended, we went around the room with introductions and were asked to tell something significant about ourselves. Over half of the attendees started with their married status and number of children. Long relationships were applauded. What would have happened if I announced that I am a lesbian?
"Don't ask, don't tell" represents more than a military policy in the United States. It's a measure of our society's acceptance of GLBT relationships. It's very closely tied to the right to marry in that our society is struggling with accepting bonds between same sex couples as equal to the bonds between a man and a woman. The civil rights associated with those bonds are denied to same sex couples. If one is in the military, you cannot even talk about it openly.
I often hear that our society has changed a lot and that most people don't care who you are sleeping with. Polls would indicate that is true. Most of those people, I would argue, prefer that you don't tell and they won't ask. They won't openly try to harm you, but they may not applaud if you announce in self introductions to strangers at a training session that you are in a same sex relationship.
Who you are sleeping with has been a long standing introductory question in our society. Are you married? How long? How many children do you have? Isn't that all about asking who you are sleeping with?
And tell the truth - if you ask someone who is 30, 40 or 50 years old - Are you married? Do you have children? And they answer no to both - would you ever follow up with the question - Are you gay or lesbian? How many gay or lesbian people would feel comfortable telling someone new - "No, I'm a lesbian or I'm gay"? It would be even more unusual to get the answer - "I am bi-sexual or transgender."
Interestingly, I do have straight friends that I feel confident would be really cool if someone answered that they were gay or lesbian. They would be comfortable, however, because they know gay and lesbian people. They have a positive frame of reference and would very likely quickly begin a chat about their lesbian friend. But I am not sure these same friends are advocates for striking the military's Don't ask, don't tell policy. And I am not confident they are all open advocates for GLBT civil rights. I'm only certain that they would try to do no harm.
As a lesbian, I would have a very difficult time answering questions from a virtual stranger about married status and children with, "no, I'm a lesbian." That difficulty comes from a negative frame of reference - an expectation that the person on the other side may not have a positive reaction.
Generally, we are uncomfortable on both sides of the introduction. Don't ask, don't tell has been the socially acceptable way of handling things. The announcement of same sex commitments as engagements or marriages or in any other manner is just not accepted as a routine conversation in the same manner as intersexual relationships.
At the core, this issue is about civil rights. Federal courts are hearing the arguments and ruling that facts do not support a need to protect society from GLBT people. Just as the court rulings supporting civil rights for blacks in the late 50's and into the 60's were ahead of legislation and society's acceptance of equality, the courts are now ahead of society's acceptance of equal rights for GLBT people.
Don't ask, don't tell has to go away for those on both sides of the conversation. The next time I am asked by a stranger if I am married or have children, I really should answer - "No, I'm a lesbian." Hmmm. I wonder if I will.

Friendship is Trust

How do we build trust? I believe it is mostly about believing that a person's motives are true to our shared goals. It does not matter if it is a personal relationship or a professional relationship. Do we both have a shared vision for a final outcome?
The depth of our trust is based in how well we understand our shared vision for a specific outcome. Our understanding only comes with open communication.
Broken communication will nearly always result in a break in trust. We do not know the person's vision or motives. We wind up filling the gaps - deciding what their motives are or what their vision is without hearing it directly from them.
We will be wrong at LEAST 50% of the time.