Twenty Years ago in the circle

Twenty years ago I went to a community meeting. Just months before, I had purchased a house in Franklin and was more than a little uncertain about deciding to move back to the town I had run from the moment I graduated from High School. I left believing this place was too small, too stuck in its ways, and had no room for me.
I don't remember what that meeting was about or why I decided to go. I only recall that there were many non-profit agencies represented and at some point, I let them know I was a videographer and want to help in some way. At the time, I was the corporate videographer for Joy. I wasn't looking for paid work.
The phone didn't ring right away but the calls came. At "River Romp", I captured Kurt Steiner breaking the stone skipping world record. Then came some fun guerilla video work (my favorite challenge) where I was asked to bring a camera with a blind suggestion to capture something talking about the value of a play spot on Allegheny. Another time, I was asked to capture a video about Oil City that might catch the attention of Ellen DeGenerous. You can find that one - "Hub of Oildom" - on Youtube. It didn't catch her attention but it was great fun doing.
With those videos, I met great people who are friends today. Those videos led to more videos and bigger video projects and more friends. The connections, the friends, the opportunities that grew before my eyes led to more than video projects and bigger dreams.
Today the community that I thought I needed to flee seems huge, full of opportunity and the perfect place for me to grow and thrive.
I'm still producing videos - most of which are for non-profits. I'm retired from Joy. And I'm running a music store in my home town - something I would never have imagined 20 years ago and certainly not when I grew up here so many years ago.
Life takes big circles. I'm liking this side of the circle.

I pledge allegiance...

Throughout our lives we have stood before the flag and pledged our allegiance to the United States of America. One flag. One country.
When we begin to add other flags to that pole, we begin to divide. "A house divided cannot stand." This is why I oppose the flying of the confederate flag. It represents a divided nation not the United State. It separates us.
During elections in this country, we have historically sported buttons, placed signs, attached bumper stickers, adorned hats and t-shirt, etc for the candidate we support. Historically, at the end of the election, the signs come down and the other election memorabilia goes in the drawer or in the trash. The elected officials begin their task of governing. They disagree and work on their perceived best policies but the focus is supposed to be actual governing - working for the benefit of those they represent.
Oddly, in recent years, the signs did not come down, the hats did not come off and one name is proudly displayed in yards and on flags. It's as if their allegiance is to that name first or is somehow equal to allegiance to the United States. It's as though that name is now branded onto the United States flag. Defending that name is now equal to defense of the country no matter what that person does.
It's a disturbing dynamic. 
That person has attorney's arguing that they cannot be investigated, impeded or arrested for shooting a person on fifth avenue. 
I took another oath.
...I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same...
And then there is a problem. What follows is a promise to obey the orders of the president - commander in chief. What if that commander is violating the Constitution I also swore to support and defend?
For me, the answer is easy. "I pledge allegiance to the United States of America.. and "I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against ALL enemies, foreign and domestic. I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same."

It's just a little music store....

Every day at the Porch Music Store something happens to lift me up. There is magic about this place that is beyond anything I can explain. It's the people. Being there, among them, lifts me. They inspire me to be better. They inspire and motivate me to want to do more and do better, no matter how I may feel when I first walk in the door.
Now with over 100 students, parents, grandparents and friends walking through our doors every week there are many magical things happening. We see the best of the best in our community.
They tell me stories. Stories about struggles they face and how music is lifting them. Parents tell me about how music lessons with our amazing instructors are helping their children grow in other ways. Our instructors are often willing to work with younger students than many others allow. One parent expressed her gratitude this week as she described how her daughter is blossoming from her voice lesson experience. Her speech is improving. She talks a little slower now and others are noticing that as well as her increased confidence. Mom is hoping to get her to stop singing her homework answers though.
We love taking time with customers to understand their goal in purchasing - especially a first instrument. Today I enjoyed time with a young man who was looking for the right one to help him de-stress from his job. He spent a long time with us and walked out with the prettiest ukulele we had and already playing two chords.
Many of our students come a little early for lessons just to see what new things might be in the store. We often have instruments that aren't common. They are respectful and I look forward to letting them try them out. Some come early to dust or tune instruments for us because they see that as important and want to help. I love that they care and feel invested!
We have a wonderful group of collaborators in the store. Our instructors are loving, caring, kind, and talented. The depth and width of their knowledge is a huge part of our success. Deanna and Ashleigh set a tone and gently guided us from the beginning. Those that have followed - Zach, Elizabeth, Mike, Preston, Trish and Vicki - have built on that foundation. Holly and I see our job as helping to let their lights shine. And we are lucky to have that light shine near us.
And then, there are more.... John has been a huge supporter and has his musical corner in the studios - he is our "back to the future" musical "Doc". I can call on Kathy and Laurie for their backup and advice. Clark is our thinking person for process. Ron is another thinker for making processes better and solving problems.
More than one person has told me that they were uncertain that we could make it when we first opened our doors. We were too. But those same people are still coming in and they are collaborating.
Now in our forth year, roots are growing. Perhaps they share my weird philosophy - "Be scared but do it anyway." And when you get a lot of differently thinking people all working in the same direction, amazing things happen.
It's just a little music store but there's nothing small about all the people who walk in the door. What is special about a place is always the people who fill it!

Troubled Times

We all have times when our minds are troubled. How do we deal with it? The people around us are either part of it or close enough to sense that we are troubled. They have their own vested interest. When we have a vested interest in a situation, it's hard to have empathy for the other person. Some of us are better attuned than others. In the end, we are left our own lot to deal with one way or another. It's all relational. What price is paid and who pays most?

Many of us look for someone to support us. We want someone to justify our end of the trouble. We want them to be our champion or make us feel good about our reasoning. And so we grow our trouble. We grow a bigger circle around our trouble.

Perhaps a better course is to step back. Go a totally different direction for a while. Walk away. For me, spending time with a friend or family member who has nothing to do with any of it, and knows nothing about it, is cathartic. Just simply spend time with them. Don't talk about troubles. Don't worry about anything. Just spend time with them. Share some memories. Share that very moment with them. Ask nothing of them. Just be with them for that moment in time. You will walk away feeling renewed and hopeful.

When I do this, it reminds me of who I am. It reminds me of what I feel is most important. It helps me to re-focus. And quite likely if it is someone you have known long, they have seen troubled times with you. They may even sense that you are troubled. But they are respectful and loving enough to let you have this moment with them in peace. And they are thankful for you not bringing a trouble to their doorstep. 

Ultimately, it is our trouble. The other person cannot and will not solve it. They could clear the waters or muddy them. But it is still ours to resolve. It can be nice to have someone to talk to from time to time but we usually know the answer for ourselves. We just struggle with ourselves to do what we know we need to do. 

So, in troubled times, seek someone who has known you a long time. Spend some time with them and don't trouble them. Listen for clues to who you are and what is important. Then act accordantly. 

Avoiding the Quicksand

What we say, what we do, what we read, who we surround ourselves with, all contribute to how we feel. It begins with our thoughts. This has long been a struggle for me. First, I am my own worst critic and can worry myself into being frozen into inaction. Until I can push past the echoing in my mind, I feel mired in quicksand with no hope of freedom.
The most powerful quicksand escape route seems to be thankfulness - out loud and in purposeful thought. If I can start with a pattern of waking up and going to sleep recounting everything and anything to be thankful about, it seems to open my mind to possibilities and action plans for the things that challenge me.
Reading things that inspire me or humor me or recalling someone I witnessed overcoming a challenge also helps. For me, it's work to redirect that internal looping sense of gloom and doom. Being surrounded by very positive and motivated people is important. Recounting in my mind, and out loud to them, how thankful I am to have them in my life provides the right momentum to get myself back on positive ground.
In my younger days, I thought I was uniquely troubled with challenges and set backs. It seemed others had it easier or better somehow. That thinking, in itself, was a debilitating loop. It caused me to focus on external factors instead of taking charge of my own action or inaction that could improve my lot.
One day, perhaps I will learn to walk past the quicksand. At least I've learned how to get out of it a little sooner.

Full of Stories

Just under the surface, at any moment, I have a story itching to pop out. Every once in a while, someone who hasn't known me well or for long will say, "Is there anything you haven't done?" Suddenly, I fear I've told too many stories and perhaps like the father in Big Fish, the stories sound larger than life.
There are plenty of things I have not done but as a curious person willing to step out of the comfort zone, life has been interesting and full. Perhaps it's the story teller in me that searches for more. Stories are everywhere and everyone has a story.
More than the places I've seen, the people I've met stand out the most. My regrets revolve around missed opportunities with random people I encountered. While walking across a beach by the Yellow Sea in China, a young woman stopped me. She beamed a smile and said "It's nice to meet you" in perfect English. I smiled back and echoed her greeting, then walked on. I should have talked with her.
In York, England, a woman opened a conversation. She was a school teacher from Melborne, Australia with a keen interest in Viking history. We chatted a short while. Later, sitting alone at dinner, I wished I had asked if she had dinner plans.
One of my favorite stories is about a crazy night in New York City when I didn't shy away from an opportunity. It started at a women's workshop at a retreat in upstate New York the weekend before. (and that is another story) When several of the women learned I would be flying out of New York City, they encouraged me to go down a day early and see their town. They told me about a bookstore and a local hang out in Greenwich Villiage and described how to get there from Grand Central Station. The idea of walking around New York city scared me and I declined to commit to visiting despite their giving me instructions on how to navigate. They went home and I stayed a few days at the retreat.
After they were gone, and without having their contact information, I decided they were right. I should see the city before flying out. Things were quite different in 1979. Grand Central Station had not been restored and was a dirty, run down mess. As instructed, I rented a locker for my bags, then set off by foot down 42nd Ave. In those days, 42nd Ave. was also run down, dirty and filled with seedy looking "storefronts" and even seedier looking characters. "Just walk like you know where you're going and don't make eye contact," they had instructed this young, rural, inexperienced traveler. I walked miles, and miles, and miles but did actually find the bookstore and their favorite hangout nearby.
Suddenly, as evening set in, it struck me that I had no place to stay and didn't know how to get in contact with anyone I had met. Just a few women were sitting in the bar. One woman was sitting alone writing post cards, so I struck up a conversation. She was from Seattle, her name was Maurice, and she was traveling around the country meeting cousins she suspected might be gay. Her New York City cousin worked til 11, so she was filling time til they met for the first time. Then she was staying with him. She was humored by my predicament and current plan to hang out until the bar closed and hope the bartender had a heart. She offered that perhaps her cousin would take pity on me but they had never met.
Then magically, two women from the retreat workshop walked in; one from Great Britain and the other from Germany. They were staying with Marty, who had also been at the retreat. She was a carpenter and working to renovate an old building she had bought in Manhattan. She worked another job until 11. We had no cell phones back then and there was no way to know, but they felt certain Marty would take me in as well.
So, with my problem solved, these three women - fellow travelers in a foreign place - were my companions for a crazy night in New York City. We wanted to see the lights on Broadway and along the way we stopped in any interesting pub we encountered. It was a night filled with laughter.
Marty's building was on a street that looked and sounded like a war zone. Despite the heavy bars that barricaded the thick door, I couldn't sleep a wink hearing gun shots and sirens all night. But I was safe and in the morning she guided me on using the subway to retrieve my bags and catch the bus to the airport in time.
Stepping way outside my comfort zone, this was one of the most foolish but most memorable adventures. I should have kept contact with those women. In several years, I would be in Washington state and could have seen Maurice again. Some years later, I would be in England several times and perhaps could have seen that woman again. I suspect Marty had great success as she was early in the development of blighted areas of Manhattan. But at least I have the story to tell.

"DO SOMETHNG!"

If you are a gun owner and second amendment advocate, you should be most motivated to put an end to gun violence. The increasing gun violence, mass shootings and the resulting fear throughout the country is, indeed, a threat to your freedom to own whatever gun you want. Gun violence is an insult to those who are lawful and own guns.
The majority of gun owners are not going out and killing people. There are 120 guns per 100 people in this country. (https://www.euronews.com/2019/08/05/which-european-country-boasts-the-most-guns-) If we put it in perspective, the vast majority of gun owners are NOT committing gun violence.
Our problem is that those who are, are doing it in a big way.
It's similar to the effect of a plane crash. Millions of safe flights happen every day. One crash killing a large number of people creates high anxiety about flying. A series of similar accidents causes panic. Two involving the same plane or airline WILL get action. The manufacturer and the airline understand the problem. They waste no time getting to the root of the problem and preventing it from happening again.
Gun owners! This mass shooting problem is coming to roost where you live. While I don't own a gun now, there was a day I needed/wanted a few. I don't want my rights infringed on because of a few very deranged people who should never have access to any weapon. That needs to be our focus! What is motivating them to want to kill people? Fix that. How are they getting access to weapons of mass destruction that they are not mentally capable of possessing? Fix that.
We cannot just say "the problem is not guns, it's blah, blah blah" and do nothing.
If we want to protect our second amendment rights, we had better get this right. I am certain that no one on either side of this debate is OK with mass shootings. So, it's time to get seriously focused on resolving this issue. "DO SOMETHING!"