Troubled Times

We all have times when our minds are troubled. How do we deal with it? The people around us are either part of it or close enough to sense that we are troubled. They have their own vested interest. When we have a vested interest in a situation, it's hard to have empathy for the other person. Some of us are better attuned than others. In the end, we are left our own lot to deal with one way or another. It's all relational. What price is paid and who pays most?

Many of us look for someone to support us. We want someone to justify our end of the trouble. We want them to be our champion or make us feel good about our reasoning. And so we grow our trouble. We grow a bigger circle around our trouble.

Perhaps a better course is to step back. Go a totally different direction for a while. Walk away. For me, spending time with a friend or family member who has nothing to do with any of it, and knows nothing about it, is cathartic. Just simply spend time with them. Don't talk about troubles. Don't worry about anything. Just spend time with them. Share some memories. Share that very moment with them. Ask nothing of them. Just be with them for that moment in time. You will walk away feeling renewed and hopeful.

When I do this, it reminds me of who I am. It reminds me of what I feel is most important. It helps me to re-focus. And quite likely if it is someone you have known long, they have seen troubled times with you. They may even sense that you are troubled. But they are respectful and loving enough to let you have this moment with them in peace. And they are thankful for you not bringing a trouble to their doorstep. 

Ultimately, it is our trouble. The other person cannot and will not solve it. They could clear the waters or muddy them. But it is still ours to resolve. It can be nice to have someone to talk to from time to time but we usually know the answer for ourselves. We just struggle with ourselves to do what we know we need to do. 

So, in troubled times, seek someone who has known you a long time. Spend some time with them and don't trouble them. Listen for clues to who you are and what is important. Then act accordantly. 

Avoiding the Quicksand

What we say, what we do, what we read, who we surround ourselves with, all contribute to how we feel. It begins with our thoughts. This has long been a struggle for me. First, I am my own worst critic and can worry myself into being frozen into inaction. Until I can push past the echoing in my mind, I feel mired in quicksand with no hope of freedom.
The most powerful quicksand escape route seems to be thankfulness - out loud and in purposeful thought. If I can start with a pattern of waking up and going to sleep recounting everything and anything to be thankful about, it seems to open my mind to possibilities and action plans for the things that challenge me.
Reading things that inspire me or humor me or recalling someone I witnessed overcoming a challenge also helps. For me, it's work to redirect that internal looping sense of gloom and doom. Being surrounded by very positive and motivated people is important. Recounting in my mind, and out loud to them, how thankful I am to have them in my life provides the right momentum to get myself back on positive ground.
In my younger days, I thought I was uniquely troubled with challenges and set backs. It seemed others had it easier or better somehow. That thinking, in itself, was a debilitating loop. It caused me to focus on external factors instead of taking charge of my own action or inaction that could improve my lot.
One day, perhaps I will learn to walk past the quicksand. At least I've learned how to get out of it a little sooner.