Thursday, June 21, 2018

Beyond Weird

Things have gotten weird.
Once upon a time, the idea of any foreign country trying to influence our elections would have had us all united in a determined effort to stop it. But not this time. There is no question that it happened. There is no question that foreign efforts to influence us and undermine our system of government continues. But talking about it and more importantly doing something about it gets weird.
We know Russia was the most significant perpetrator. They have been at odds with us since the end of WWII. Once upon a time we were united in our mistrust of their motives. Once upon a time, we saw them as opponents of democracy. But now, things are weird.
The head of our nation now openly admires Putin. The investigation into Russian meddling is demonized and undermined by this administration and it's supporters. At the end of day, little or nothing is being done to stop future interference. The fear that "my guy" might have done something wrong (wittingly or unwittingly) is causing many in our nation to ignore the actual issue. Another country meddling in our election process - especially Russia - would have united us in outrage - Once upon a time.
Once upon a time, the hint of infidelity would have derailed a political campaign. Faith based voters expected the highest standards of family values. Not any more. That's really weird.
Once upon a time, we valued our allies and worked with them on world issues. We stood with them and they stood with us. Canada, Australia, Britain, Germany and France have been close friends of our nation for decades. Now we are at odds with them, pulling out of agreements and threatening trade wars with them. That's weird.
It's especially weird when the administration opens it's arms to not just Russia but other totalitarian regimes like North Korea.
The most heart breaking turn is the hardening of hearts toward the plight of innocent children. I've heard the weirdest things in response. "The law is the law!" "Well, the Obama administration..." Or the strangest "250,000 American Military children have been ripped from their parents." WHAT?!!? Thousands of children are being scattered all over this country and will possibly never be reunited with their families within our borders or outside our borders and this is your response? You really believe these children "got what they deserve" because their parents made a choice you hate. If that's your best answer, THAT's WEIRD.
I struggle to find a common theme behind these things. The only connection is admiration and loyalty to one man. These things defy religious teachings as I've understood them. They all pose long range problems that will grow exponentially. They are all painful assaults on our democratic system, values and our place on the world scene. I look at the people in front of me (that I believe to be good and decent people) who are believing these things are ok and wonder where we are heading as a nation.
Historically, I see this time as similar to the McCarthy Era and the rise of the KKK. If there is a theme, it's strongman tactics and "we versus them" division. If that is true, it's beyond weird. It's frightening.

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Why are there illegal immigrants?

What would cause you to pack up what you can carry, leave friends and family behind, and set off for a foreign, unknown land?
That's the question we need to ask and the root problem we need to solve.
If you believe "Illegal Immigration" is a huge problem, the answer is not to become a nation that no one would want to enter. Do we want to become such a mean, nasty, intolerant people that no one in the world wants to deal with?
We should be asking fleeing immigrants why they are coming? We should collect every story. We should document everything they have to tell us. Then we need to go to the countries and ask them why they are not dealing with these issues! Then we use every bit of leverage we have to force them to solve them. We need to take the money we are using to "protect our border" and use it to help create a safer world, safer countries around the world, and rid the problems that are causing people to flee their homes.
Lowering our standards of decency and compassion will not solve "illegal immigration". It will harden our hearts and destroy the very soul of our nation. It will create enemies that last generations. It damages us within. It damages all those who feel the effects.
We have historically been a nation that was a beacon of hope. We have sought higher standards of humane treatment. We have also experienced periods like this where a cancer grew within that attempted to move us away from the essence and spirit of what has made this country great. It's happening again. We need to return to our highest ideals and greatest virtues.
All of the institutions that have created the framework of our democracy are now under attack; public schools, the justice system (including the FBI and CIA), a free press, our system of governance, any public sector organization such as the VA.... There is now a push to privatize everything and what is not privatized should be placed under a very central controlling force. None of this is sustainable. It will crumble over power and corruption.
Then, we will be the ones fleeing.


Thursday, June 7, 2018

Can you be my friend?

Social media is wonderful. It's a way to share and create connections, keep in touch and learn about one another.
And social media is horrible. Specifically, social media can be used horribly. It can be used to spread dis-information, create discord, and as a weapon against one another.
It's too easy to sit behind a keyboard and do harm. Would you say or do the same thing face to face?
Seeing people harshly criticize friends or family ON social media is shocking to me. Would you stand at a party full of people and say the same things? Do you think it reflects most poorly on the person you are targeting? To me, you are the person the most question. I note that I need to keep a distance from you.
The one use of Facebook in particular drives me crazy is - "de-friending". Really? Is that how you handle conflict? Is your "conflict" so great that you seriously intend to never talk with that person again. If you are using it - facebook - as a weapon, do you really think your stamp of approval is so very valuable?
The truest test of character is not in how you handle the easy things. The test is in how you handle the most difficult.
If you say something I disagree with, I will do what I would do at a party. I will move on. I will respond respectfully with an alternative view. Or I'll just smile and think about it. Sometimes what you say really makes me think differently. Rarely - very rarely - will I ever react with the feeling that I can never be in the same room with you again.
I will confess to two occasions where I actually "de-friended" a person. Both were due to cursing that was excessive. We had no personal dispute. We had no conflict. There was no direct reason. I simply did not like all their cursing and didn't want to be associated with their presence on social media. Both were people I expected to never see again and were not significantly connected to anyone I spend time with or wish to. And, indeed, I have never seen these two again and they are still not connected to anyone I spend time with or wish to. My guess and my expectation at the time, is that they never even noticed. I mattered little in their circle either.
I've witnessed some bizarre uses of social media and specifically "de-friending". The person will "de-friend" then later request to be friends. What is that? I've been "de-friended" then had the person send me a personal message asking for something. Really? It all feels like middle school drama to me.
This is not a social media problem. This is an emotional maturity problem. Mark this - if you "de-friend" me on social media, I won't accept a future request. It doesn't mean I won't still love you. It doesn't mean I will mis-treat you face to face. It just means if you want to deal with me - if I matter to you - let's do it face to face. I'm no longer sure you are stable enough to handle the use of a tool that allows you to do remote harm. I may even be praying that you don't own a gun.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

"Praise publicly. Criticize privately"

"Praise publicly. Criticize privately." It's an old saying with a great deal of wisdom behind it. If you think about it, it is very much about the golden rule. We all make mistakes. It's painful if those mistakes are publicly scrutinized.
I once worked under a manager who liked to post the last employee mistake on the wall. He would also copy many people in on emails that listed all corrections that were required on a project. He rarely praised underlings but criticized them daily. When pushback came, he was stymied. "I'm trying to help you," he insisted. But when he was publicly criticized, he was furious. I sometimes wonder if he ever learned why so many of his department left.
"Praise publicly. Criticize privately."
What's publicly?
Recently I was reminded that as soon as I tell a third person what I think, it's public.
In other words, if I tell you what I think about you or something I think you did; criticize you directly, it's private. If I tell no one else and you tell no one else, it's private. The minute either of us shares that, it's public. The two of us no longer control who knows.
If I criticize you and I tell no one else, I have kept it private. If you tell someone else, you have opened it up to public discourse. You may believe the person you told agrees with your side of things. Maybe they do. But will the next person they tell?
The things we say can have powerful effect. Words resonate. They are repeated and repeated. Once released to the universe, we have no control over their power or interpretation. As soon as we unleash a criticism of another, we have unleashed a powerful thing. Even if we believe strongly that we are right, it can have terrible consequences.
"Praise publicly. Criticize privately." And I would add, criticize carefully. Praise will return praise on you. Criticism will return criticism on you.