Why do I always question and keep searching for the "rest of the story"?
Why don't I just believe and be settled in it as many can be?
When I was a child, I did. I loved Sunday school and church. I loved following my mommy as she lived the Christian teachings I heard sitting beside her on the pew. I may have written about this before, but I am reminded tonight of the moment everything I believed to be true was challenged. And I realize that moment has caused me to continually question and seek deeper meaning. I am always driven to ask what the rest of the story might be. I always wonder if the words really mean what they seem to mean because once I believed with total conviction that they did. But they did not.
At 8 I learned there is something more to the story than the words reveal. I learned that there are things we cannot understand in this lifetime. At 8 I learned that you can believe something with total conviction because that is what you have been told. But believing it does not make it true and no source on earth makes it so. Even calling on God in exactly the manner you have been taught, will not make it so. Someone missed the rest of the story. I didn't stop looking and listening at 8. I kept at it, Sunday after Sunday. Church camps, working at church camp, youth ministries, Newman Center and on and on. And so far, no one on earth has provided the answer for me.
I don't question God. I question man's understanding of God. I've grown to enjoy the journey and the search for greater understanding. I also understand I am human. Once I am beyond being human, I fully expect to hear the real "rest of the story". Oh my, will I be full of questions. Then I imagine being full of answers in an instant.