Life can be tough. There are so many things that happen in our lives that are completely out of our control. It can become overwhelming. If you've followed my writings, I've told about my 1-10 scale for problems - 10 is death. Odd, it suddenly hit me that 10 should actually be MY death. So I have never faced a number 10 yet. I was close once, but I guess that is a 9. If that was a 9, everything else in my life has been below that.
That leaves number 8. What was an 8 in my life? Would that be the loss of those I loved most dearly or would it be the day I cooked the last food - quite literally a pound of hamburger, a jar of sauce, and macaroni noodles - in my cupboard and shared it with expectant guests that I knew had plenty in their cupboard at home and who totally dismissed my telling them it was the last food I had in the house? Perhaps it is their oblivious dismissal of my need that looms so large. Perhaps it is the memory of standing in line at the food pantry days later that looms so large. True hunger is a painful memory. But hunger for love is even more painful and I have known that often and very early in my life. Ok - loss of someone - a love is about 8.9. Eight is basic survival - food being one of those.
Number 7 would be the feeling of lost direction. Those would be the times something had ended and another has not yet begun. These are the times I wasn't quite lost but wasn't quite found. What had ended had to end but what was supposed to begin had not begun and I did not yet know what it would be. Those "tweener" times are hard. I recall the end of college coming and a professor asking seniors in the class how they were feeling. She came to me. "Panic", I said, which seemed to surprise her a great deal because she knew me as active and confident. I did not feel prepared and had no specific place to go next. Of course, a few months later I was on my way, but those "tweener" moments can create a sense of panic.
Number 6 is making a change you have chosen and going on faith. Leaping from the known into the unknown is really scary - even with great expectation and the belief that you have made the right choice. Leaving a relationship might waver between 6 and 8 at times. Leaving a job for another is similar. It starts at a 6 and can shift down or up as the opening days pass. I recall the first few weeks on a new job where co-workers were not very welcoming and my number rating rose to a sense of death status but I survived.
Number 5 would be making a change you have chosen with a good plan behind it. Stepping from one path to another with a good sense of the lay of the land is right in that middle ground. This is where I want to be most consistently. Life should be exciting enough to keep our attention but stress free enough to keep healthy. Until I hit the 10 area of life, I'm hoping to target a lot more of the 5 area.
Anything under the 5 is just too mundane to write about... like taking out the garbage and doing the laundry.