I think there are three categories of energy - good energy, wasted energy and downright bad energy.
Good energy is when we are creating harmony and joy - lifting one another up. It's when we are acting and speaking in ways that are uplifting to all around us. Our words and actions are unquestionable. We are doing no harm.
Then there is wasted energy. It may not have a bad intent but we cause ourselves or others to expend unnecessary energy. Like when someone needs to remind us to get the minutes done for a meeting that we know we need to do. They had to expend energy that could have been used for something else.
It turns into downright bad energy when our actions or inaction causes others to expend a great deal of energy trying to correct what has been done. We've all been in situations with people where we actually have to try to predict what bad behavior may come next in order to avoid greater problems. This is particularly difficult when it is someone we care deeply about.
In my experience, I began to overlook, excuse and even defend behavior that I would never do. I compromised my own ethics to make room for this person in my life. No amount of talking had any effect in driving toward creation of harmony and good energy. There was simply no understanding of consequences and no empathy regarding the impact on others.
It then became a question of my choices. How far would I go to overlook, excuse and defend these things? It's like slow boiling a lobster. The water gets slowly hotter and you don't realize you're getting cooked. The more cooked you are, the harder it is to jump out of the pan.
Then I asked myself - 'If I knew all that I know about this person but did not have a close relationship with this person - would I be excusing or defending these kinds of behavior?'
When the answer was far beyond no into the absolutely NOT range, I had to make my choices clear. I'm not responsible for what other's say and do. I'm responsible for me.
For me, that means putting my energy toward becoming a better person creating positive energy not draining anyone else in any way. That is a really difficult path, especially if anyone close to you has a different mindset.