More often than not, it's expectations that cause rifts in relationships. We focus on what we are not getting and how the other person needs to adjust to us and our needs. We determine that we are not valued in some way. It's expectations that are at the root. Maybe the expectations are justified and maybe they are not.
If we allow those feelings to grow into anger and frustration, they begin to take a life of their own. We are no longer thankful for the other person. We no longer respect them. We no longer see their concerns or needs. We become focused on ourselves. We become engrossed with self pity. And we begin to look for all the ways they do not meet our expectations. Next we look for allies in proving they are deficient.
We really need to get to the root of why our expectations have not been met. Sometimes our expectations are very rational and reasonable and sometimes they are not. Quite often, they are not worth the storm we cause trying to get the other person to meet them. Sometimes, the other person is clueless as to what our expectations are or perhaps we don't realize that we have unrealistic expectations. If it is all about what the OTHER person needs to do, it's a red flag that it's YOU that needs to adjust.
Sometimes we just grow angry at someone for something they have nothing to do with but they remind us of something else entirely.
Relationships can be challenging. Family - friends - co-workers - bosses - it's really all the same. We have expectations. They have expectations. We all want to feel valued.
If you approach any relationship with anger, resentment and feeling that the other person needs to adjust to you - something is out of kilter. If it is a relationship that is important to you, start with being thankful for what you have. Never stay in a place of anger and resentment. Let it go. If you are truly justified in your anger and resentment, let the relationship go and shake the dust from your shoes. If you want the relationship and value it - show it. Be thankful.
Be thankful for their strengths and what they have to offer - what they have already given you. That shift in attitude will generate respect and an ability to open positive dialogue.